Happy Tibetan New Year! This year celebrations were minimal as to commemorate those who have suffered in Tibet in the last 50 years and especially in the last year. They had a hunger strike and protests in Dharmasala and only the spiritual rituals were carried out.... I heard that the New York Times had an article about Losar this week... go check it out if you can. Again, I look forward to talking to you about this when i return...
OK. SO... stories...
After i wrote my last post I was sitting in philosophy class which was being held at the monastery and I was half asleep... dozing off as i tried to wrap my head around tantric teachings... and then this guy who works at the monastery popped his head into the class and said "sorry, monkey go into window room 304". I grabbed my key and RAN upstairs and opened my door to find a monkey sitting in my bathroom... Sitting down this monkey was about 3.5 feet tall... we eyed each other down and then i stomped my foot and he jumped out of the window... it was the funniest and scariest 5 second eye to eye I have ever had with a monkey ;)
A lot of my friends traveled this week but I stayed around and I am happy that i did because i really did get to spend a lot of time with the kids here and so a lot of my 'we only say hi to each other acquaintances' turned into good friends... so nice but also a bit annoying because we leave this campus in one week from tomorrow. :( When we arrived 6 weeks ago the students put on a talent show for us and now we are surprising them with a little show and party... My friends and i are doing a Tibetan dance to the song "Come on Eilleen"- yeahh... hopefully that will work out.
All i did this week was relax... I spent hours on the roof listening to music, reading, dozing in and out of sleep and just talking to friends... I was able to talk to Raia and Elan for the first time since i left and that was amazing... (Oritt, if you're reading this, i will call you soon miss sorority girl). I played a LOT of basketball with new friends... new monk friends... ;) and visited peoples' rooms- this week we were allowed to go into the boys dorm!! HUGE DEAL!! Remember how I keep talking about this 6th grade level of boy/girl interactions?? Well, i invited two of my guy friends to my room and i told my roommate and she freaked out!! She got so flustered and was running around back and forth trying to make everything perfectly clean and she fixed her hair and it was just the sweetest thing... We had a Dance Party which was the first time in the past month that i felt like i could really relieve all of the energy I have pent up in me... I love relaxing 24-7 but sometimes I just miss the fast paced BAM of life back at home... We had a bonfire two nights ago which was also a lot of fun... it was interesting though because i stopped and looked around at one point and noticed that the boy who was maintaining the fire was my one friend who was raised as a cowboy in east Tibet... so I was sitting there thinking "wow, cool, a fire! how nice... what a fun thing to do with friends...I am going to throw leaves in the fire and see what happens to them" and he was probably not thinking about the fire because he grew up making fires all the time so that he could stay warm at night as he herded his sheep. I love having those random moments of "holy shit, we are so different" because i have these random spurts of "oh my god"nesses as I am sitting and just hanging out with these people... we enjoy the same music, have the same sense of humor (when we understand each other) and get along really well... we are all just people.
Another example of an ohmigod moment... I went to go get tea from the canteen during a tea break and I was walking with my mug in one hand and my laptop in the other and the women standing in front and behind me in line were holding a mug in one hand and had a basket of laundry resting on their heads... these moments are priceless because again, we are all just people... and the funniest part of all is that i look a LOT like these women... I'm just the one wearing black and they are decked out in the most beautiful and luscious colors... welcome to my life.
I visited Daramkot for the first time. It is a village about 20 minutes up and around the mountain from Mcleod Ganj.. this village might as well be called Mini-Israel... they have a Chabad house and Israeli flags and signs in Hebrew everywhere- I felt like i was in the Twilight Zone.
I am moving into a home stay next week... this is my first time doing this and so I'm definitely anxious to see how it goes... it will be interesting because some of the kids are moving into houses with families and they get their own room and then some will be moving into one bedroom homes with families and so will be living in a kitchen with the family... we wont know where we are living until we get there... OH the possibilities!! I am just laughing on the inside because I know that if i don't laugh then i will be nervous... so yes, ill keep you updated.
Oh... a few of my friends expressed a few concerns about me losing too much weight and becoming a nun... first of all about the weight loss... DO NOT WORRY- well worry, but not about the weight loss, you should probably worry about the weight gain... i feel like a bag of rice/i am a bag of rice. And as for becoming a nun... it's not going to happen for the simple reason that i cannot sit with my legs crossed for more than 20 minutes... ha ha ha right? not so much... i almost dread going to audiences because mid way through i have the awkward "i cannot feel my left leg and its starting to burn" face on and then i always have that one second eye to eye with whoever is giving the teaching and my fake smile just screams "I am suffering!! I now understand the 1st Noble Truth" (sorry, my Dharma jokes are getting out of hand.. i swear, if you dont get it, they are kind of funny)...
C'est tout!
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
Sorry for the delay... I have wanted to write but just have not found the time or internet to do it... so here goes... my last two or so weeks in India. I might not be writing everything down in order so pardon me if it is confusing. Also, it is going to be long.. and i do not expect anyone to read this except for my parents...
_________. Sorry, I have been sitting in front of this computer for 13 minutes and I don't know what to say... I have been having some really fucking intense experiences here and my thoughts have been going a mile a minute for the past few weeks and I am not sure if i can verbalize what's going on... but ill try.
Ok, so right now i am sitting in a monastery in Sherabling. Losar, the Tibetan new year, is this week and so everyone is preparing physically, mentally, spiritually... the Tibetan community has decided not to celebrate the new year as they usually do (with grand festivities and such) because of the troubles that Tibet has been struggling with in the past year. In preparation for the new year they have special pujas/prayer ceremonies and yesterday I sat in on one for an hour and let me just say that it was incredible- the monastery i am visiting is of the Kague (spelling?) tradition and so closely tied to Tantric practices and so the colors and sounds and offering are just so vivid that it actually took my breath away. I did not have a total spiritual connection and I am not converting tomorrow but the energy in the room was just incredible. When one walks into a temple it is proper to do three prostrations and as i was doing mine two monks were banging on these two huge drums right in front of my face and to my left were the men blowing the horns and the entire room was just filled with monks and it was breathtaking...
I am here with the group and we were given the chance to speak to the Rimpoche of this monastery and it was interesting. Many people walked out of the room offended by what the guy was saying (he spoke nonsense about Islam and global warming...) and i just walked out with a huge smile on my face. I am constantly surrounded by concepts, discussions, readings et cetera about Buddhism and about finding THE truth and about the paths that can lead me to this truth and I can see myself getting really defensive and scared. Defensive because I look at Buddhism like a beautiful philosophy that we all have things to learn from, but then again i look at it like a religion that, like all religions, has the potential to do great things in the world and has the potential to be used for bad things... so, inside I have this wall up and I am constantly asking questions and drilling people on some of the theories (according to Sakyamuni Buddha being so skeptical is important...finally, my cynicism is appreciated ;). I am scared because while i can recognize many faults within myself and within the society in which i live, i can confidently say that i am happy with the life that i have at home and i am scared that one day i will wake up and either fully realize the lack of inherent existence or see a glimpse of THE truth and want to just shave my head and retreat in a cave for a decade...
Ok... i am realizing that i am blabbing on and on... i will try to say it concisely. I have always found many truths in Buddhism, but a lot of Buddhism is founded on the belief that life as we know it is driven by ignorance and that "I" as I know myself, does not inherently exist... both of these concepts are frightening to me... beautiful and honest in ways... but really fucking frightening. So, the reason why i walked out of the audience with the rimpoche with a HUGE smile on my face is that i was relieved to know that such an honored and wise Buddhist figure could be so ignorant... it was a reminder that AT THE END OF THE DAY WE ARE ALL JUST PEOPLE.
Sorry about that mind blob... so, onto the stories.
AMRITSAR:
I went to Amritsar last weekend and I just felt like Jasmine from Alladin the entire time. Amritsar is a Punjabi city near the border of Pakistan and is famous for The Golden Temple and for the many horrendous massacres that have taken place in the city in the past century (Jallianwala Bagh anyone?). My friends and I stayed in a pilgrimage home (the Golden Temple is the mecca for Sikhs and so, thousands of people make pilgrimages to Amritsar every day)... so you might be thinking what is a pilgrimage home?? Well, it is a place that gives free shelter to anyone who is making a pilgrimage to the temple... so when my friends and i arrived they just looked at us and walked us to this room with people sleeping in it and my friends and i just looked at each other with a face of "we are not THAT intense" and we asked them for a private room... you might be thinking "oh what a snob...." Don't. In order to get to our room we had to walk over people sleeping and the room had three beds with stains all over the wall and moist spots on the sheets (i know...) and one light bulb hanging in the middle of the room that wouldn't turn off... why did we have to walk over people? because everyone just sleeps on the floor in the courtyard and we arrived at 3am... so 3am we went directly to the temple and we saw the "awakening of the book" ceremony... The book is the Sikh book of prayers and from 3 in the morning (sometimes at 2) till 10 pm there is someone reading out of the book and so, at three they woke the book up and it was an incredible ceremony... i promise when i get a good internet connection i will put up 100s of pictures because my words cannot give justice to the colors and sounds and shapes of the things i am seeing every day... so, we saw this ceremony and then watched the sunrise and then ate breakfast and passed out for 2 hours before we went exploring.. Amritsar is amazing. It is a busy, cluttered Indian city FILLED with Sikhs... Sikhs are supposed to wear the 5 K's.... I don't know what they are in Punjabi and I only know some of them but... they have to wear a turban, a knife, this silver bracelet with prayers on it (wow, i sound ignorant) and underpants... i am interested to know what the last K is... anyways... can you picture that? I was in the movie Alladin... there were 100s of men walking around in turbans with knives (not gang knives... knives that curve) hanging off of their belts and some men were walking around with spears... when was the last time you saw a spear?? it was incredible- also, I can confidently say that we were the only Western tourists in the city and so people were just FREAKING OUT when they saw my blond friend Josh and my friends Becky and Stacey... People don't freak out when they see me, they just look at me in state of confusion and i know that inside they are thinking "where is that girl's corta?" "why is that Indian wearing jeans?" it's funny- so yes, i spent the day watching my friends get swarmed by Indians... I, on the other hand, was just asked if i was married and I forgot to say yes once and when i said no this man just looked at me and pointed to his friends and said "choose". Not going to lie, I not only felt so flattered and also so empowered.. could you imagine if i came home with a spear holding Sikh? That same day my friends and i were walking down the street and this man sees my friend Josh (tall, blond New Yorker Jew) and grabs him and invites us to come to his school... he dragged us into the courtyard of the all girls school that he runs and served us tea and we just took pictures with the girls and tried to speak with them (it is comical that i am in INDIA studying Tibetan... literally when i walk off campus and out of Dharmasala I cant talk to anyone) but then the girls started asking us for our autographs which was a bit awkward.. i was just looking at them thinking "I am no one trust me, this will just be something else you will have to wash off of your hands..." anyways... they continued jumping on my friends and again, i had time to just stand back at watch them... it was really nice and loving actually- this is how we spent our valentines day. My friends and I just had such an incredible time in Amritsar... the people were SO nice- it really was a treat.... we were invited to tea every corner we turned and the people were just interested in sharing stories and laughing... it really was wonderful. We ate the communal lunch at the temple (they serve 1,000s of people EVERY DAY and they do it in such an efficient way.. again, i will share pictures soon... words just cannot explain).
Now to the fun stuff, GETTING TO AMRITSAR:
I live 7 real hours away from Amritsar, bu that means 12 Indian hours away from Amritsar... and so, the journey was half of the fun. I will try to summarize shortly-
The Bus: I got on the 3 hour bus and didn't have a place to sit at the beginning and so stood- not a big deal... but the entire bus is filled with men and me and my friends are the only girls on it and so when the bus is bumping around and my butt is hitting a poor man in the face it's uncomfortable... so, i finally got a seat and put my head down to fall asleep/hold myself back from throwing up and i feel this warm pad on my face... how nice... i look up and it's a man's butt in MY face... gotta love karma ;)
The train... ohhhhh Indian trains- i heard about them... i was warned about them... and to be honest, i was really really excited to have my first train experience BUT once the train arrived, 4 hours after it was supposed to, the only thing i cared about was sleeping... so.. i got onto the train and sat down. UH OH. I sat in something wet... that's gross... but there is nothing to do... i might as well fall asleep... the window wouldn't close and so water was dripping down my neck and it was cold blah blah blah (this made me forget about the one wet spot on my bum) whatever time passes and we had our beautiful weekend and then i got back to school and was ready to do my laundry and guess what's on the backside of my jeans?? Semen... lovely. If you are thinking "Elinor, how didn't you realize that?" Remember that my bum is always covered and know that i was wearing the same pair of jeans for the entire weekend.... All i can say is that my jeans are in my bucket being washed in the strongest soap i could find... gross. I would also just like to say that when things like this happen the only thing going through my head is "Sarah Shore is in Paris wearing heals and skinny jeans eating baguettes and cheese"... and then i smile and survive ;).
SPEAKING OF MY LONG LOST LOVE:
I have been scared that learning Tibetan will ruin my French and so I have been stalking the only French girl on campus, and I bought the book Siddhartha in French so that i can practice... I actually also started teaching this 13 year old boy, Ugyen, French. He is one of the most academically driven kids i have ever met and is just so thirsty for learning new things. He is always walking around with a book and asking questions and observing... very very inspiring.
TIBETAN DOCTORS:
I had a check up with a Tibetan doctor and all I can say is that I didn't believe it at all... I want to believe it and so, I am probably going to go and have a longer meeting with a doctor... The cool thing about Tibetan doctors is that they tell you what's going on by feeling your pulse.. the guy told me a few things that were obscure and he told me that my winds were off... he perscribed me medicine and then said that I probably wouldn't take them... (ha, he got that right!) but... just to give the guy credit- he called out my friend for drinking beer that week which i thought was pretty cool... Anyways, I ended up getting the medicine because i secretly think it could be cool to be on some herbal wind-fixing medicine and it got me sick... I didn't know what wind disease was until i took the medicine and i spent about 12 hours in bed with the worst cramps and i felt like there were actual winds inside of me blowing in the wrong directions... then my roommate gave me medicine blessed by His Holliness and i got better.... hah... this might all be something or it might all be bullshit... either way, it's kind of funny.
A DIFFERENT WORLD:
I met Palden Gyatso and Ama Adhe and again, words cannot even begin to express what an experience it was. I mentioned in a previous blog entry that i saw Palden Gyatso in Mcleod Ganj and i mentioned that he was a political prisoner for 33 years and was brutally tortured the entire time... I honestly don't even know what to say.... you can read his story in his book but all i want to say is that i have never met someone so loving. He does not have one bone of hatred in his body- no regret, no anger, nothing but love. Those who tortured him took his teeth, his health, and a lot of his physical strength , but they did not ruin his soul and i can only wish that i would be that strong if (knock on wood) i was ever put in a situation like that. Ama Adhe was the same- i also recommend that you read her book.
DISTANT COUSINS:
I went to Kangra Fort which is about 30 minutes away from school and it was beautiful... i went with Carrie and a few girls from my program... it was a relaxing day- we read... we took pictures.. we walked... we almost fought a monkey. I know. My friend left her bag on a bench as she took pictures and hey... a little cute monkey started walking over... so my friend ran away and i just took a step back and then i realized the monkey was going for my friend's bag... so i yelled "hey!" and i thought that I, being a big, strong, intimidating human being would scare this monkey... NO. The monkey glared at me and made this hissing noise and so i ran away too... then i realized that i looked like a fool so i ran back to go save the bag (which by the way had her phone, passport and journal in it) and this time i went back with my water bottle which i thought i could use as a weapon or a distractor or something and i stared at the monkey who, at this time was taking everything out of her bag... and the monkey made that scary face and noise and i ran away... the little bastard too everything out of the bag and threw it and then grabbed a banana which was hiding at the bottom and just walked away.. it was the funniest scariest moment of this trip thus far.
MY GAME FACE:
I noticed that when i walk around and feel overwhelmed by the presence of men i put on my game face... it is only funny because i noticed that my game face is just my face looking utterly and disgustingly nauseous... i will catch myself doing it and then just laugh but... it totally works.
All in all I really am enjoying myself. I spend most of the day thinking about the most profound concepts and listening to the craziest stories but I have been able to do all of this without losing myself... I have been having a lot of special experiences with strangers, friends, and with myself and I really wouldn't change any of this... so, when you hear my frustration arising in this blogs, especially when it comes to my thoughts on Buddhism and the philosophies and such it is because there are times when i feel like i just can't win... I will have brilliant questions forming in my head and then 30 seconds later i will be able to answer them... or I will ask intense questions and not be satisfied with the answers i get back or i will just want to share my opinion on a concept but then am brought down by the fact that Buddhism is not always about the smaller picture and there is no "self" in the first place to hold these opinions blah blah blah ;)
But, I am definitely filling these thought driven days with joking around with friends and making new friends and hanging out with my roommate and going for walks and I end the days smiling... so yeah, don't worry if I sound like i am going crazy or if I sound like i will be seeking refuge in the Dharma.... because i still secretly listen to Celine Dion and Hair on my ipod... shhhh ;)
**I have been having the most incredible experiences and meeting some of the most impressive and influential people but to protect them and their stories and... for safety reasons... i am not going to write about them on my blog but i do look forward to speaking to you about it all when i get back...**
_________. Sorry, I have been sitting in front of this computer for 13 minutes and I don't know what to say... I have been having some really fucking intense experiences here and my thoughts have been going a mile a minute for the past few weeks and I am not sure if i can verbalize what's going on... but ill try.
Ok, so right now i am sitting in a monastery in Sherabling. Losar, the Tibetan new year, is this week and so everyone is preparing physically, mentally, spiritually... the Tibetan community has decided not to celebrate the new year as they usually do (with grand festivities and such) because of the troubles that Tibet has been struggling with in the past year. In preparation for the new year they have special pujas/prayer ceremonies and yesterday I sat in on one for an hour and let me just say that it was incredible- the monastery i am visiting is of the Kague (spelling?) tradition and so closely tied to Tantric practices and so the colors and sounds and offering are just so vivid that it actually took my breath away. I did not have a total spiritual connection and I am not converting tomorrow but the energy in the room was just incredible. When one walks into a temple it is proper to do three prostrations and as i was doing mine two monks were banging on these two huge drums right in front of my face and to my left were the men blowing the horns and the entire room was just filled with monks and it was breathtaking...
I am here with the group and we were given the chance to speak to the Rimpoche of this monastery and it was interesting. Many people walked out of the room offended by what the guy was saying (he spoke nonsense about Islam and global warming...) and i just walked out with a huge smile on my face. I am constantly surrounded by concepts, discussions, readings et cetera about Buddhism and about finding THE truth and about the paths that can lead me to this truth and I can see myself getting really defensive and scared. Defensive because I look at Buddhism like a beautiful philosophy that we all have things to learn from, but then again i look at it like a religion that, like all religions, has the potential to do great things in the world and has the potential to be used for bad things... so, inside I have this wall up and I am constantly asking questions and drilling people on some of the theories (according to Sakyamuni Buddha being so skeptical is important...finally, my cynicism is appreciated ;). I am scared because while i can recognize many faults within myself and within the society in which i live, i can confidently say that i am happy with the life that i have at home and i am scared that one day i will wake up and either fully realize the lack of inherent existence or see a glimpse of THE truth and want to just shave my head and retreat in a cave for a decade...
Ok... i am realizing that i am blabbing on and on... i will try to say it concisely. I have always found many truths in Buddhism, but a lot of Buddhism is founded on the belief that life as we know it is driven by ignorance and that "I" as I know myself, does not inherently exist... both of these concepts are frightening to me... beautiful and honest in ways... but really fucking frightening. So, the reason why i walked out of the audience with the rimpoche with a HUGE smile on my face is that i was relieved to know that such an honored and wise Buddhist figure could be so ignorant... it was a reminder that AT THE END OF THE DAY WE ARE ALL JUST PEOPLE.
Sorry about that mind blob... so, onto the stories.
AMRITSAR:
I went to Amritsar last weekend and I just felt like Jasmine from Alladin the entire time. Amritsar is a Punjabi city near the border of Pakistan and is famous for The Golden Temple and for the many horrendous massacres that have taken place in the city in the past century (Jallianwala Bagh anyone?). My friends and I stayed in a pilgrimage home (the Golden Temple is the mecca for Sikhs and so, thousands of people make pilgrimages to Amritsar every day)... so you might be thinking what is a pilgrimage home?? Well, it is a place that gives free shelter to anyone who is making a pilgrimage to the temple... so when my friends and i arrived they just looked at us and walked us to this room with people sleeping in it and my friends and i just looked at each other with a face of "we are not THAT intense" and we asked them for a private room... you might be thinking "oh what a snob...." Don't. In order to get to our room we had to walk over people sleeping and the room had three beds with stains all over the wall and moist spots on the sheets (i know...) and one light bulb hanging in the middle of the room that wouldn't turn off... why did we have to walk over people? because everyone just sleeps on the floor in the courtyard and we arrived at 3am... so 3am we went directly to the temple and we saw the "awakening of the book" ceremony... The book is the Sikh book of prayers and from 3 in the morning (sometimes at 2) till 10 pm there is someone reading out of the book and so, at three they woke the book up and it was an incredible ceremony... i promise when i get a good internet connection i will put up 100s of pictures because my words cannot give justice to the colors and sounds and shapes of the things i am seeing every day... so, we saw this ceremony and then watched the sunrise and then ate breakfast and passed out for 2 hours before we went exploring.. Amritsar is amazing. It is a busy, cluttered Indian city FILLED with Sikhs... Sikhs are supposed to wear the 5 K's.... I don't know what they are in Punjabi and I only know some of them but... they have to wear a turban, a knife, this silver bracelet with prayers on it (wow, i sound ignorant) and underpants... i am interested to know what the last K is... anyways... can you picture that? I was in the movie Alladin... there were 100s of men walking around in turbans with knives (not gang knives... knives that curve) hanging off of their belts and some men were walking around with spears... when was the last time you saw a spear?? it was incredible- also, I can confidently say that we were the only Western tourists in the city and so people were just FREAKING OUT when they saw my blond friend Josh and my friends Becky and Stacey... People don't freak out when they see me, they just look at me in state of confusion and i know that inside they are thinking "where is that girl's corta?" "why is that Indian wearing jeans?" it's funny- so yes, i spent the day watching my friends get swarmed by Indians... I, on the other hand, was just asked if i was married and I forgot to say yes once and when i said no this man just looked at me and pointed to his friends and said "choose". Not going to lie, I not only felt so flattered and also so empowered.. could you imagine if i came home with a spear holding Sikh? That same day my friends and i were walking down the street and this man sees my friend Josh (tall, blond New Yorker Jew) and grabs him and invites us to come to his school... he dragged us into the courtyard of the all girls school that he runs and served us tea and we just took pictures with the girls and tried to speak with them (it is comical that i am in INDIA studying Tibetan... literally when i walk off campus and out of Dharmasala I cant talk to anyone) but then the girls started asking us for our autographs which was a bit awkward.. i was just looking at them thinking "I am no one trust me, this will just be something else you will have to wash off of your hands..." anyways... they continued jumping on my friends and again, i had time to just stand back at watch them... it was really nice and loving actually- this is how we spent our valentines day. My friends and I just had such an incredible time in Amritsar... the people were SO nice- it really was a treat.... we were invited to tea every corner we turned and the people were just interested in sharing stories and laughing... it really was wonderful. We ate the communal lunch at the temple (they serve 1,000s of people EVERY DAY and they do it in such an efficient way.. again, i will share pictures soon... words just cannot explain).
Now to the fun stuff, GETTING TO AMRITSAR:
I live 7 real hours away from Amritsar, bu that means 12 Indian hours away from Amritsar... and so, the journey was half of the fun. I will try to summarize shortly-
The Bus: I got on the 3 hour bus and didn't have a place to sit at the beginning and so stood- not a big deal... but the entire bus is filled with men and me and my friends are the only girls on it and so when the bus is bumping around and my butt is hitting a poor man in the face it's uncomfortable... so, i finally got a seat and put my head down to fall asleep/hold myself back from throwing up and i feel this warm pad on my face... how nice... i look up and it's a man's butt in MY face... gotta love karma ;)
The train... ohhhhh Indian trains- i heard about them... i was warned about them... and to be honest, i was really really excited to have my first train experience BUT once the train arrived, 4 hours after it was supposed to, the only thing i cared about was sleeping... so.. i got onto the train and sat down. UH OH. I sat in something wet... that's gross... but there is nothing to do... i might as well fall asleep... the window wouldn't close and so water was dripping down my neck and it was cold blah blah blah (this made me forget about the one wet spot on my bum) whatever time passes and we had our beautiful weekend and then i got back to school and was ready to do my laundry and guess what's on the backside of my jeans?? Semen... lovely. If you are thinking "Elinor, how didn't you realize that?" Remember that my bum is always covered and know that i was wearing the same pair of jeans for the entire weekend.... All i can say is that my jeans are in my bucket being washed in the strongest soap i could find... gross. I would also just like to say that when things like this happen the only thing going through my head is "Sarah Shore is in Paris wearing heals and skinny jeans eating baguettes and cheese"... and then i smile and survive ;).
SPEAKING OF MY LONG LOST LOVE:
I have been scared that learning Tibetan will ruin my French and so I have been stalking the only French girl on campus, and I bought the book Siddhartha in French so that i can practice... I actually also started teaching this 13 year old boy, Ugyen, French. He is one of the most academically driven kids i have ever met and is just so thirsty for learning new things. He is always walking around with a book and asking questions and observing... very very inspiring.
TIBETAN DOCTORS:
I had a check up with a Tibetan doctor and all I can say is that I didn't believe it at all... I want to believe it and so, I am probably going to go and have a longer meeting with a doctor... The cool thing about Tibetan doctors is that they tell you what's going on by feeling your pulse.. the guy told me a few things that were obscure and he told me that my winds were off... he perscribed me medicine and then said that I probably wouldn't take them... (ha, he got that right!) but... just to give the guy credit- he called out my friend for drinking beer that week which i thought was pretty cool... Anyways, I ended up getting the medicine because i secretly think it could be cool to be on some herbal wind-fixing medicine and it got me sick... I didn't know what wind disease was until i took the medicine and i spent about 12 hours in bed with the worst cramps and i felt like there were actual winds inside of me blowing in the wrong directions... then my roommate gave me medicine blessed by His Holliness and i got better.... hah... this might all be something or it might all be bullshit... either way, it's kind of funny.
A DIFFERENT WORLD:
I met Palden Gyatso and Ama Adhe and again, words cannot even begin to express what an experience it was. I mentioned in a previous blog entry that i saw Palden Gyatso in Mcleod Ganj and i mentioned that he was a political prisoner for 33 years and was brutally tortured the entire time... I honestly don't even know what to say.... you can read his story in his book but all i want to say is that i have never met someone so loving. He does not have one bone of hatred in his body- no regret, no anger, nothing but love. Those who tortured him took his teeth, his health, and a lot of his physical strength , but they did not ruin his soul and i can only wish that i would be that strong if (knock on wood) i was ever put in a situation like that. Ama Adhe was the same- i also recommend that you read her book.
DISTANT COUSINS:
I went to Kangra Fort which is about 30 minutes away from school and it was beautiful... i went with Carrie and a few girls from my program... it was a relaxing day- we read... we took pictures.. we walked... we almost fought a monkey. I know. My friend left her bag on a bench as she took pictures and hey... a little cute monkey started walking over... so my friend ran away and i just took a step back and then i realized the monkey was going for my friend's bag... so i yelled "hey!" and i thought that I, being a big, strong, intimidating human being would scare this monkey... NO. The monkey glared at me and made this hissing noise and so i ran away too... then i realized that i looked like a fool so i ran back to go save the bag (which by the way had her phone, passport and journal in it) and this time i went back with my water bottle which i thought i could use as a weapon or a distractor or something and i stared at the monkey who, at this time was taking everything out of her bag... and the monkey made that scary face and noise and i ran away... the little bastard too everything out of the bag and threw it and then grabbed a banana which was hiding at the bottom and just walked away.. it was the funniest scariest moment of this trip thus far.
MY GAME FACE:
I noticed that when i walk around and feel overwhelmed by the presence of men i put on my game face... it is only funny because i noticed that my game face is just my face looking utterly and disgustingly nauseous... i will catch myself doing it and then just laugh but... it totally works.
All in all I really am enjoying myself. I spend most of the day thinking about the most profound concepts and listening to the craziest stories but I have been able to do all of this without losing myself... I have been having a lot of special experiences with strangers, friends, and with myself and I really wouldn't change any of this... so, when you hear my frustration arising in this blogs, especially when it comes to my thoughts on Buddhism and the philosophies and such it is because there are times when i feel like i just can't win... I will have brilliant questions forming in my head and then 30 seconds later i will be able to answer them... or I will ask intense questions and not be satisfied with the answers i get back or i will just want to share my opinion on a concept but then am brought down by the fact that Buddhism is not always about the smaller picture and there is no "self" in the first place to hold these opinions blah blah blah ;)
But, I am definitely filling these thought driven days with joking around with friends and making new friends and hanging out with my roommate and going for walks and I end the days smiling... so yeah, don't worry if I sound like i am going crazy or if I sound like i will be seeking refuge in the Dharma.... because i still secretly listen to Celine Dion and Hair on my ipod... shhhh ;)
**I have been having the most incredible experiences and meeting some of the most impressive and influential people but to protect them and their stories and... for safety reasons... i am not going to write about them on my blog but i do look forward to speaking to you about it all when i get back...**
Monday, February 2, 2009
Group.... not so much.
Weekends in Dharmasala are the best. Friday we have class and then a field trip (last Friday we went to the Tibetan Government in Exile's base and walked around the library, visited its museum, and stopped in its temple, which is the temple of HHDL's Oracle... pretty cool). Friday night we can do whatever we want... Satur-day all of the Tibetan students have class but we don't so again, we can do whatever we want.. So, last Saturday I went up to Mcleod Ganj and hung out with Carrie! I got a phone call earlier that day from her saying "I'm back from Japan... I'm in Mcleod Ganj... I'm at Nirvana cafe on the roof... meet me here." She would.
So.. I went to Mcleod Ganj and i cannot say how brilliant it was seeing her. As i said before, I am here with a group of 14 American students and 3 American leaders/teachers/counselors? I dont know... anyways, all i can say is that i really don't like traveling in a group. I LOVE the idea of this program and i am enjoying all of the courses and i am so grateful for all of the things that i have learned and seen and the experiences i get to have with the group because I know that i would not have been able to figure out Delhi or the Tibetan language, or meet HHDL on my own... BUT that said, I feel like a mere speculator when i am walking around with my buffer of Americans around me... and I also never liked the idea of being in ONE group or HAVING to find friends in a certain ring (those who know me well know that). I also never liked hierarchy in groups... so while the three teachers are brilliant and exciting, well traveled women (one lives half of the time in Kathmandu, one had a Chinese spy following her while she was living in Tibet, and one is fluent in Mandarin... so yes, the stories go on) BUT i don't like that the dynamics of the group make it so that you are lucky if you get to talk to them and that its a bit like sucking up.. I feel like everyone has great thoughts and stories to share and I am excited to hear everyones but I just don't like having to work hard for it... sorry... does that sound rude? It shouldn't and if it does then i am sorry because i did not intend for it to be so... I am just trying to say that I never liked the idea of having to jump bridges to get to know people because everyone should want to meet mid way on the bridge because they too are interested in getting to know a new person... get it?
Ok, so the 14 students in this group are really great people and i enjoy hanging out with them but I have not found anyone that "gets me". That comment is nothing against them... I have always been a bit strange ;) BUT this kind of bothered me before I saw Carrie and then when i saw Carrie i was reminded how lucky i am to have SO MANY wonderful people scattered around the world who do "get me". So, thank you Carrie. When i say "get me" I'm talking about the small moments... for instance, we were doing yoga on the roof and i just stopped and whispered to a friend "Holy shit, we are at the top of the world" and he responded with "um, no we are not we are on one of the lowest hills near the lowest mountains of the Himalayas" yeahhhhhh ok.... thanks man for popping my bubble of sheer bliss.. I'm sorry but i had to laugh because in one way that could be me looking at the glass half full and he looking at it as half empty.. OR it could be me getting one thing out of the experience and him getting another... either way he is great and very interesting but this little moment made me think of all of my amazing friends who do get me in those small moments.
Something quick about Tibetan language... SO... in English we say "I have a pen" but in Tibetan they say "To me this pen exists" which shows the subjective reality of the existence... whereas in English we speak with the understood concept of "reality"... it presupposes the existence of the pen... Whereas in Buddhism the key to ending ignorance is understanding that everyone has their own reality so there is no independent reality... I just love it that that philosophy is entwined in their speech...
I have to go read about the four noble truths and make a list of my many questions so that my brilliant philosophy teacher can answer them tomorrow... BUT i would like to leave you with a funny picture..
So.. your dear Elinor did her laundry this weekend... responsible right? clean right? yeah... i scrubbed and scrubbed and put all of my clothes on the roof and left them out for the day.... JUST so that i could come back to find them ALL covered in bird shit... lovely.
xe
I promise I will add photos or videos soon. The internet connection here is just SO slow and unreliable that I just cant be bothered.. but i will try to make a trip up to the city this week so that I can send you some visuals to go with the stories.
PS. I never finished writing about why the weekends here are so brilliant... so Saturday... fine we can do whatever we want... Sunday too we have the entire day off and this Sunday I spent it redoing my laundry, sitting on the roof tanning and reading... then i got tea with Carrie and we walked to the dried up river and sat on purple stones talking while goats walked around us... and we were just looking at the mountains and spent time "getting each other"... probably the best thing about time here is that I don't have a cell phone and I have limited internet use and i don't wear a watch... so I only know when i have to be somewhere when the bell rings and by the sunrise and sunset... so on the weekends... time just goes... and it is really really amazing.
So.. I went to Mcleod Ganj and i cannot say how brilliant it was seeing her. As i said before, I am here with a group of 14 American students and 3 American leaders/teachers/counselors? I dont know... anyways, all i can say is that i really don't like traveling in a group. I LOVE the idea of this program and i am enjoying all of the courses and i am so grateful for all of the things that i have learned and seen and the experiences i get to have with the group because I know that i would not have been able to figure out Delhi or the Tibetan language, or meet HHDL on my own... BUT that said, I feel like a mere speculator when i am walking around with my buffer of Americans around me... and I also never liked the idea of being in ONE group or HAVING to find friends in a certain ring (those who know me well know that). I also never liked hierarchy in groups... so while the three teachers are brilliant and exciting, well traveled women (one lives half of the time in Kathmandu, one had a Chinese spy following her while she was living in Tibet, and one is fluent in Mandarin... so yes, the stories go on) BUT i don't like that the dynamics of the group make it so that you are lucky if you get to talk to them and that its a bit like sucking up.. I feel like everyone has great thoughts and stories to share and I am excited to hear everyones but I just don't like having to work hard for it... sorry... does that sound rude? It shouldn't and if it does then i am sorry because i did not intend for it to be so... I am just trying to say that I never liked the idea of having to jump bridges to get to know people because everyone should want to meet mid way on the bridge because they too are interested in getting to know a new person... get it?
Ok, so the 14 students in this group are really great people and i enjoy hanging out with them but I have not found anyone that "gets me". That comment is nothing against them... I have always been a bit strange ;) BUT this kind of bothered me before I saw Carrie and then when i saw Carrie i was reminded how lucky i am to have SO MANY wonderful people scattered around the world who do "get me". So, thank you Carrie. When i say "get me" I'm talking about the small moments... for instance, we were doing yoga on the roof and i just stopped and whispered to a friend "Holy shit, we are at the top of the world" and he responded with "um, no we are not we are on one of the lowest hills near the lowest mountains of the Himalayas" yeahhhhhh ok.... thanks man for popping my bubble of sheer bliss.. I'm sorry but i had to laugh because in one way that could be me looking at the glass half full and he looking at it as half empty.. OR it could be me getting one thing out of the experience and him getting another... either way he is great and very interesting but this little moment made me think of all of my amazing friends who do get me in those small moments.
Something quick about Tibetan language... SO... in English we say "I have a pen" but in Tibetan they say "To me this pen exists" which shows the subjective reality of the existence... whereas in English we speak with the understood concept of "reality"... it presupposes the existence of the pen... Whereas in Buddhism the key to ending ignorance is understanding that everyone has their own reality so there is no independent reality... I just love it that that philosophy is entwined in their speech...
I have to go read about the four noble truths and make a list of my many questions so that my brilliant philosophy teacher can answer them tomorrow... BUT i would like to leave you with a funny picture..
So.. your dear Elinor did her laundry this weekend... responsible right? clean right? yeah... i scrubbed and scrubbed and put all of my clothes on the roof and left them out for the day.... JUST so that i could come back to find them ALL covered in bird shit... lovely.
xe
I promise I will add photos or videos soon. The internet connection here is just SO slow and unreliable that I just cant be bothered.. but i will try to make a trip up to the city this week so that I can send you some visuals to go with the stories.
PS. I never finished writing about why the weekends here are so brilliant... so Saturday... fine we can do whatever we want... Sunday too we have the entire day off and this Sunday I spent it redoing my laundry, sitting on the roof tanning and reading... then i got tea with Carrie and we walked to the dried up river and sat on purple stones talking while goats walked around us... and we were just looking at the mountains and spent time "getting each other"... probably the best thing about time here is that I don't have a cell phone and I have limited internet use and i don't wear a watch... so I only know when i have to be somewhere when the bell rings and by the sunrise and sunset... so on the weekends... time just goes... and it is really really amazing.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Coherence... well kind of.
What a surprise! I have internet today! Mondays and Wednesdays! Sweet.
So, I skimmed my last few entries and I realize how ignorant some of my comments sound... the problem is that I am still in "America mode"... that is, I think in America terms... so when I ask "how do these people shower in the winter?" or "how do their homes not have windows? Don't they get cold in the winter?"... I am answering them in my head with "they must have come up with some brilliant design for a sweater or socks or a heating system that keeps them warm"... and I haven't trained myself to STOP and realize that the whole concept of body comfort is a "western" thing. Showers are cold. Why? Because it is winter... get over it. (ehhhhh... fortunately the weather has been beautiful here... and even so, i have NOT been showering often). Ok, another example of me thinking in American terms... my friend was born in Bir, but she is Tibetan because her parents fled from Tibet when they were about 15 years old. So, I said " so, you are Indian because you were born in Bir, India" and she looked at me in shock and said "No, I am Tibetan"... so I said that because she was born in India she has an Indian passport .... not so much... I forget that America is the only country in the world that has the natural citizenship if born in the country rule.... So i asked her if she has a passport and she does... she has a refugee passport- and she has to reregister it every year. I forget how easy life is for me!! So, when I tell my friends they should come visit me in New York I don't realize how hard that is, and in some cases that that is impossible.
Ariele asked me what i wear and what I do every day so here is my schedule...
6:15 wake up (brush teeth in the sink that is beautifully placed under a birds nest... so brushing teeth is like a game of dodging shit.. which could be funny but i was shat on in Delhi so its not that funny)
6:30 prayer (they read it too quickly and so I think i am going to stop going until my Tibetan improves... tomorrow i am going to start doing yoga on the roof... watch the sunrise... wooo)
7:00 tea and bread and a 20 minute meditation session
7:30 American breakfast/ pick up an egg so that I don't die of lack of protein
9-10 Tibetan language class
10 tea (the tea is chi with milk and sugar sugar sugar sugar)
10:30- 12 Tibetan culture and civilizations class or Philosophy class... every other day
12:30 lunch (in between class and lunch i have to go to my room to pick up my bowl and spoon) Lunch is usually rice and some soup or bread and a soupy thing...
1:30-2:30 Tibetan language class
5-6 yoga
6:30 dinner
9:30 curfew
10:30 sleep
I wear baggy clothes and my bum is always covered... I sometimes wear a corta (which is the Indian style long shirt ... you know what i am talking about) and I have yet to buy chupas (Tibetan dresses... they are BEAUTIFUL and form fitting... It is amazing how much i actually miss feeling like a woman).
We also went to Mcleod Ganj a few days ago and went to HHDL's temple... i mean my soon to be school... what? I know. IDB is IN the Dalai Lama's temple... so you walk into this gated area and there is a Tibetan History museum, the Dalai Lama's home, his temple, and my school. That is like going to a political science college IN the White House.
While we were waiting outside we saw Palden Gyatso walking!! He is a Tibetan monk who was held as a prisoner and brutally tortured under the Chinese government for 30 years and since he got out he has been touring the world with the tools that he was tortured with (he snuck them out with him) and he goes around the world talking about what happened to him and is trying to show the world the reality of what has happened and does happen to Tibetans in China.
We had tea with our geshe-la... Sorry, I call him our geshe-la because he was with us for the few days in Delhi and we got to know him... but a geshe is ordained as a monk... its like having a PhD in the Dharma... My Geshe-la (Geshe Kelsang Damdul-la) is the director of IBD.. pretty cool.. he blessed my prayer beads which is quite an honor. He studied under the Dalai Lama... so his final debate was WITH HHDL. Ok... I have to talk about debating... I am going to try to film it and put it online... hmmm maybe you can youtube it but basically the debate is a test of one's dharma-knowledge... SO one guy will sit down with his legs crossed with a straight face on and another guy will be standing and clapping his hands at the one sitting (the one sitting is the one who is being tested) and the one standing will ask for example "What is emptiness?" And the guy has to answer is and then another question will come "If that is what emptiness is then how do you define the mind?"... it is absolutely fascinating to watch though because the guy standing is YELLING and clapping and the guy sitting is just chilling.. and answering everything like its obvious. It is amazing to see how chill some of these Tibetans are... they are really just like us but they are always laughing and smiling and even their traditional dances are just chill... Movies will come soon so you know what i am talking about.
I haven't started my philosophy class yet (which will be taught by Ani Kelsang Wangmo-la... 'ani' is a nun and 'la' is what you add to the end of a title to denote respect anyways, next year she will be ordained by HH and will be the FIRST ordained nun!!!!... she will be the first female geshe-la! This is a big deal...she is in her 30s and is from Germany).
My Tibetan culture and civilization class started already and it is brilliant- we will be learning a lot about the history of Tibet and such but they opened the course with a lot of readings that discuss the concept of orientalism and shangri-la ... so the way we subconsciously view "the west" from "the east" and how many westerners (including myself at times) puts Tibet on a pedestal and views it as this flawless magical land... my professors are trying to call us out on all of our biases so that we go into these studies with a clean slate... it will be hard but I am extremely excited.
I will write again soon... i apologize in advance though because i don't think my posts for the next few weeks will be about stories as much as they will be more about what i am learning- but i swear that it is interesting and the few of you that are reading this blog would have to deal with me sharing my thoughts about classes if i were home so at least now you have the choice to read them or not...
Life on this campus is fantastic we really just hang out... drink lots of tea... try to learn Tibetan from our new friends... and read. I keep forgetting some of the rules though and so sometimes i will find myself speaking to a boy alone and that is a major no-no or then people on campus will think we are dating... and i also refer to my guy friends as "friends" which is also a no-no because a "friend" is more than just a friend and so i have to call them my class mates... I will hopefully get used to that before this campus thinks I have one million boyfriends... I also forget that i am not really supposed to look at the monks when they walk by... i am supposed to look down... and also, we have to stand every time a professor or geshe walks into the room and we cannot eat until they do.. I will get used to these things soon.
PS. Emily, when I sit down to write these posts I just read through my journal and then censor my thoughts a bit... you know me too well. ;)
PPS. No one has gotten sick yet... a few kids have gotten colds but we have not yet had any of the "India sickness" that we expected... and... just because I love you I will share that it is almost comical how much Immodium i have in my bag...yet I have no fiber or laxatives which are much needed. Actually, thank god I don't because I wouldn't know how to use the toilet holes for that anyways... ok... awkward... on that note. tashi delek!
XOXO
Gossip Girl
( sorry, I had to... ;) )
So, I skimmed my last few entries and I realize how ignorant some of my comments sound... the problem is that I am still in "America mode"... that is, I think in America terms... so when I ask "how do these people shower in the winter?" or "how do their homes not have windows? Don't they get cold in the winter?"... I am answering them in my head with "they must have come up with some brilliant design for a sweater or socks or a heating system that keeps them warm"... and I haven't trained myself to STOP and realize that the whole concept of body comfort is a "western" thing. Showers are cold. Why? Because it is winter... get over it. (ehhhhh... fortunately the weather has been beautiful here... and even so, i have NOT been showering often). Ok, another example of me thinking in American terms... my friend was born in Bir, but she is Tibetan because her parents fled from Tibet when they were about 15 years old. So, I said " so, you are Indian because you were born in Bir, India" and she looked at me in shock and said "No, I am Tibetan"... so I said that because she was born in India she has an Indian passport .... not so much... I forget that America is the only country in the world that has the natural citizenship if born in the country rule.... So i asked her if she has a passport and she does... she has a refugee passport- and she has to reregister it every year. I forget how easy life is for me!! So, when I tell my friends they should come visit me in New York I don't realize how hard that is, and in some cases that that is impossible.
Ariele asked me what i wear and what I do every day so here is my schedule...
6:15 wake up (brush teeth in the sink that is beautifully placed under a birds nest... so brushing teeth is like a game of dodging shit.. which could be funny but i was shat on in Delhi so its not that funny)
6:30 prayer (they read it too quickly and so I think i am going to stop going until my Tibetan improves... tomorrow i am going to start doing yoga on the roof... watch the sunrise... wooo)
7:00 tea and bread and a 20 minute meditation session
7:30 American breakfast/ pick up an egg so that I don't die of lack of protein
9-10 Tibetan language class
10 tea (the tea is chi with milk and sugar sugar sugar sugar)
10:30- 12 Tibetan culture and civilizations class or Philosophy class... every other day
12:30 lunch (in between class and lunch i have to go to my room to pick up my bowl and spoon) Lunch is usually rice and some soup or bread and a soupy thing...
1:30-2:30 Tibetan language class
5-6 yoga
6:30 dinner
9:30 curfew
10:30 sleep
I wear baggy clothes and my bum is always covered... I sometimes wear a corta (which is the Indian style long shirt ... you know what i am talking about) and I have yet to buy chupas (Tibetan dresses... they are BEAUTIFUL and form fitting... It is amazing how much i actually miss feeling like a woman).
We also went to Mcleod Ganj a few days ago and went to HHDL's temple... i mean my soon to be school... what? I know. IDB is IN the Dalai Lama's temple... so you walk into this gated area and there is a Tibetan History museum, the Dalai Lama's home, his temple, and my school. That is like going to a political science college IN the White House.
While we were waiting outside we saw Palden Gyatso walking!! He is a Tibetan monk who was held as a prisoner and brutally tortured under the Chinese government for 30 years and since he got out he has been touring the world with the tools that he was tortured with (he snuck them out with him) and he goes around the world talking about what happened to him and is trying to show the world the reality of what has happened and does happen to Tibetans in China.
We had tea with our geshe-la... Sorry, I call him our geshe-la because he was with us for the few days in Delhi and we got to know him... but a geshe is ordained as a monk... its like having a PhD in the Dharma... My Geshe-la (Geshe Kelsang Damdul-la) is the director of IBD.. pretty cool.. he blessed my prayer beads which is quite an honor. He studied under the Dalai Lama... so his final debate was WITH HHDL. Ok... I have to talk about debating... I am going to try to film it and put it online... hmmm maybe you can youtube it but basically the debate is a test of one's dharma-knowledge... SO one guy will sit down with his legs crossed with a straight face on and another guy will be standing and clapping his hands at the one sitting (the one sitting is the one who is being tested) and the one standing will ask for example "What is emptiness?" And the guy has to answer is and then another question will come "If that is what emptiness is then how do you define the mind?"... it is absolutely fascinating to watch though because the guy standing is YELLING and clapping and the guy sitting is just chilling.. and answering everything like its obvious. It is amazing to see how chill some of these Tibetans are... they are really just like us but they are always laughing and smiling and even their traditional dances are just chill... Movies will come soon so you know what i am talking about.
I haven't started my philosophy class yet (which will be taught by Ani Kelsang Wangmo-la... 'ani' is a nun and 'la' is what you add to the end of a title to denote respect anyways, next year she will be ordained by HH and will be the FIRST ordained nun!!!!... she will be the first female geshe-la! This is a big deal...she is in her 30s and is from Germany).
My Tibetan culture and civilization class started already and it is brilliant- we will be learning a lot about the history of Tibet and such but they opened the course with a lot of readings that discuss the concept of orientalism and shangri-la ... so the way we subconsciously view "the west" from "the east" and how many westerners (including myself at times) puts Tibet on a pedestal and views it as this flawless magical land... my professors are trying to call us out on all of our biases so that we go into these studies with a clean slate... it will be hard but I am extremely excited.
I will write again soon... i apologize in advance though because i don't think my posts for the next few weeks will be about stories as much as they will be more about what i am learning- but i swear that it is interesting and the few of you that are reading this blog would have to deal with me sharing my thoughts about classes if i were home so at least now you have the choice to read them or not...
Life on this campus is fantastic we really just hang out... drink lots of tea... try to learn Tibetan from our new friends... and read. I keep forgetting some of the rules though and so sometimes i will find myself speaking to a boy alone and that is a major no-no or then people on campus will think we are dating... and i also refer to my guy friends as "friends" which is also a no-no because a "friend" is more than just a friend and so i have to call them my class mates... I will hopefully get used to that before this campus thinks I have one million boyfriends... I also forget that i am not really supposed to look at the monks when they walk by... i am supposed to look down... and also, we have to stand every time a professor or geshe walks into the room and we cannot eat until they do.. I will get used to these things soon.
PS. Emily, when I sit down to write these posts I just read through my journal and then censor my thoughts a bit... you know me too well. ;)
PPS. No one has gotten sick yet... a few kids have gotten colds but we have not yet had any of the "India sickness" that we expected... and... just because I love you I will share that it is almost comical how much Immodium i have in my bag...yet I have no fiber or laxatives which are much needed. Actually, thank god I don't because I wouldn't know how to use the toilet holes for that anyways... ok... awkward... on that note. tashi delek!
XOXO
Gossip Girl
( sorry, I had to... ;) )
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Ok, so I need to apologize for me not writing because of a lack of internet and then me over writing because i get the internet for a couple minutes...
So, last time i wrote i was in Delhi... then... i left and went to a completely new world. We drove 10 hours to Pragpur... where? Exactly. Pragpur is a TINY TINY TINY village 10 hours north of Delhi. We stayed in the most beautiful estate- long story short this estate has been in the owner's family for 11 generations and he had to turn it into a hotel because he couldnt afford to live in it and repare it at the same time. We were put into pairs and then lived in these beautiful beautiful beautiful rooms for two nights... my room had roof access and so a couple of my friends and i spent the first night talking on the roof looking at EVERY SINGLE STAR IN THE SKY. Not only were the skies clear but we were actually closer to the sky than i usually am in New Jersey or New York... we saw so many shooting stars and we could point out constilations and it was beautiful. The next day we walked to the village and found a tailor who ended up making us each an Indian suite by that evening... he was such a sweetheart and gave everyone tea and delivered the suites to our rooms (sounds like a huge deal... and while it was... the village is literally one square mile.. soo.... not so much but it was still really nice). Oh, and the meals at the estate were fantastic- the name of the hotel is called The Judges Court and i HIGHLY recommend it to anyone who finds him or herself in the middle of Himachal Pradesh...
So, finally we made our way up to Dharmasala and came to IBD's Sarah campus. Oh My God. I LIVE HERE NOW. We chose our roommated (it was awkward... we literally stood in a circle and chose our roommates) and mine is named Tsering (meaning long life in Tibetan) and she is from Lhadak (which is about 2 days north east of here...). She is really sweet and is studying to be a teacher (most people are because HHDL told the Tibetans to educate educate educate). Most of the other roommtes are nuns which is also interesting. The first day was funny- unpacking was hilarious... i am here for 6 months in total and packed what i thought was nothing and my roommate has EVEN LESS!! I have two shelves... one for books... one for clothes... Talk about becoming a minimalist... i am NOT even close. That first day we made our way up to Lower Dharmasala (sounds weird...) we took a public bus there... picture 100 people on a 30 person bus... and when we got there we just ate and walked around and bought our buckets (for showering) and our spoon and bowl (for meals) and we got a mug (for tea) and a towel. I also bought a kitkat and was shocked at how much i missed chocolate after not having it for just one week. While we were in Lower Dharmasala I was sitting with the program leader and we noticed a dog sitting in the middle of the road- so Cynthia told me that the dog is probably waiting to die.... so i said to myself "um... no. not going to happen" so i took her rug and tried to push the dog to the side of the street (needed the rug because the dog definitely was sick and I never got the rabies shot... ok so i finally (after 2 minutes of standing in the middle of an Indian road... not smart at all) and then a shop-keeper started hitting the dog with stick because he didnt want a sick dog in front of his shop... so i yelled at him and then went back and moved the dog to the other side of the road and then a nun took it to the hospital. I dont remember if i wrote about it when i was in Delhi but dogs in India are really suffering... it is interesting because the cows live like kings and the dogs are suffering. I am used to living in a country that skins cows while they are alive so that they can be put on a bun in the nearest McDonalds and dogs wear nicer shoes than i do... I would believe that a medium between the US and India would be best because dogs here are really really sad and I have never been a big dog-lover but my god, my heart actually breaks here. So... when we were leaving the town we were walking to get onto a bus and i saw a dog getting rapped... first of all I should preface this story by saying that all of the female dogs have WAY too many babies and they just look tired and sad all the time... none of the dogs are neutered/spade... and it is really sad. In Delhi most of the female dogs stood with their butts touching so that they could not be attacked by a male dog.... so. This time their technique didnt work so i ran up to the dog to kick it away and i screamed to get it away but the male dog was just attacking the female dog (the scene was an actual copy of the rape scene in the movie Showgirl- really fucking scary). I then got yelled at because again, everyone is scared to get rabies blah blah blah... i am still mad at myself for not being able to stop it. On the bus everyone said that we can't help everyone and everything and I dont really know how i feel about recognizing that... I dont want to admit that that is true.
I have to go in a minute and so i will write my next story quickly...
So, we came back to campus and we had dinner and then a movie night with our roommates... woo exciting! movie night!! cool! right? not so much. We watched the movie Tibet: Cry of the Snow Dragon and all i can say is that that movie would be intense if i were watching it in Short Hills New Jersey... BUT watching that movie in a room of kids who fled Tibet when they were 6 and have not seen their parents for the past 15 years is quite intense in its own right... If you want to understand where i am and what i am doing and who i am being surrounded by and the language i am learning PLEASE watch that movie... it is quite intense.
Sorry my thoughts are all over the place i am late to dinner and that is a big no no here...
so what else am i doing here? i start classes tomorrow- i have about 200 pages of reading due every day this week blahhhh... BUT do not feel bad for me because the weather has been beautiful and i have been sitting on the roof reading / watching over the Himalayas...
Oh, we had campus clean up yesterday and i told my friend i would help her with her task... little did i know that she was on garbage duty this week.. SO what did we do? we took the entire campuses garbage (i think my household of 4 persons has more garbage in a week than they do) and we sorted out all of the paper from plastic to bottles to glass to newspapers and divided it all and then burned whatever cannot be recycled... it was incredible.
What was NOT incredible was KNOWING what we put in the garbage... In India they do not use toilet paper.. you cannot throw it down the hole ( notice i am not saying toilet because there are no toilets... there are holes in the ground... and you have to squat.. and i have bad knees... and yes, it has been quite interesting) so.... while the locals use their left hand to wipe themselves... the Americans still use toilet paper and throw it out in the garbage... and yes, then we have to sort through it on Saturdays.. so guess what? I will be a hell of a lot more careful about what i put in the garbage... gross
one day i will tell you what is done with female products... again, these people take recycling to a whole new level.. it is brilliant. gross. but brilliant.
Ok, ok ok ok i must run i am getting in trouble but i will try to write more cohesively on wednesday.
Jela Jayong (see you soon in Tibetan!)
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Himdia
(Note: I am writing on a really bad key board and so some of the letters are not coming up- sorry) Ok... so I am going to catch you up on what I have been doing since i wrote last... well, yesterday I had the honor of hearing the Dalai Lama speak! We went to a brilliant conference called "Global Congress on World's Religions After September 11th- An Asian Perspective." We sat 5th row which was amazing, and hearing His Holiness speak was incredible. I agreed with a lot of what he said, had/have MANY questions about some of his other points but to be honest, the most incredible thing to see was a crowed of people in such awe!! I have never seen people SO greatful to hear someone speak; everyone stood, everyone nodded, veryone smiled. Th conference was held at Jamia Milia Islamia, a Muslim university, and the audience was filled with some of the most brilliant professors, philosophers, and academics and then us, 15 students... woo. I sat next to this professor from Concordia in Montreal who came to this conference to talk aobut how he thinks that it is incorect to talk about religions as a foundation to war because people attach themselves to so many identitiess that we cannot jusst blame a problem on one specific identity. It is like that children's book about the guy with the many hats... everyone is wearing many hats and so, thi professor ague that one cannot say that a problem is ebcause of the blue hat when there is a red hat, a green hat, and a yllow hat on top. Interesting. It was hard to hear the man who oppened thee conference say that "the attack on the palestinians by Israel was unprovoked," I agree that it is wrong that innocent Palestinians had to die, but I do not think that that was unprovoked (not saying that becaus it was provoked it was ok...). Anyways, I loved how the Dalai Lama responded to that by restating that every side has a story and a perspective and we have to look at all sides. Well sais HHDL.
Oh oh oh, I forgot to say, so yesterday morning I made a few of my friends come with me to the Sikh temple at 4 am to see the temple without tourists. I thought 4 am was early- but th people "wake up the book" at 2:30 am and "put it to bed" at 10pm... LONG day of prayers and i thought yom kippur wa bad ;) ... anyways, the temple looked beautiful at that hour and it was cool to be ther eand see what h appens when we are usually asleep.
Last night I went out with a few friends- w went to an incredible bar with live music- I felt like i was in Manhattan again, the band was playing the Beatles, Janis Joplin, et cetera and it was brilliant to see all of these people (who look, dress, and drink like me) from th other ssid of the world singing ALL of the words to some of my favorite songs. SMALL WORLD.
Today we woke up and went to see Humayum's Tomb... words will not express how it looks... just think of Aladdin... I am not kidding I actually started to sing "A whole new world"... i will show pictures soon.
THEN we went to the Tibetan quarter and it was the best. Really unbelievabl- we ate Tibetan food (which makes me SO excitd to go to Dharmassala because I don't think i can eat rice and curry anymore sorry ). Wheen we were leaving we tried to get a rickshaw and before i knew it a cop was there yelling and hitting the cabbbies with his stick- I have no idea what happened but the police man was just walking and yelling and hitting the rickshaws- he even intentionally broke some of the mirrors- it was the most brutal thing I have seen here thus far- I forget that I am not in the US and I cannot say something and tell him to back off... so... yeah. That was not fun.
Finally, we got a rickshaw and he took us to the metro station- this man biked with 4 girls in the back and it only cost 20 rs. That is less than 50 cents- to be honest that was the hardest thing I have had to see in the past 3 days... he works SO hard and doesn't get paid anything- don't gt me wrong he probably has a good life but i cannot believe how hard he has to work for such a life.
We went to the New Delhi Train Station where, by the way, if a child is there alone it takes only 20 seconds on average for him/her to get kidnapped. That train station is actually one of the most dangerous places in Delhi. So, we got there and i REALLY had to go to the bathroom and so, i left thr group and ran to the closesst one. Don't be scared- the worst thing that can happen during the day is getting pick pocketed, BUT i cannot say how oevrwhelming it is to be surrounded by sso m any men. Delhi might as well be called Delhim because there are NO women in sight!! They are all at home with the kids and cooking so, when you walk down the street it is you and one million men. A bit much at times.
So, we went to the station to meet Brijesh- our tour guide for a street kids tour of Delhi-the organization that runs it is called Salam Balak (the one who started it was the mother of the woman who directed Salam Bombay or Salam Mumbai I dont remember). This tour was led by Brijesh, a 20 year old guy, who used to be a street boy. He ran away from home at th age of 6 because he thought that it was bullshit that he worked so hard for money but his parents took the money and didnt send him to sschool or anything. So, he left Bihar thinking "fuck it, if i am going to work this hard then i might as well take the mony for myself" so he boarded a train and firsst went to a small university town and thn made his way to Delhi. 60 Percent of the kids that run away are from Bihar.... 20% of those who run away are girls; however, you do not see th girls on the street bcause within seconds (literally, as above stated, 20 seconds in some places) they are picked up by pimps and forced into sex circles. Oh, also insane fact, about 30 run away kids come to Delhi every day. The kids on my trip asked if gang leaders or parents mutilate the kids in order to collect more money and we were told that that does not happen around here- it might in other places but not here. The worst thing that happens to these kids is that they are taken to factories that are hidden in this city and forced to work about 14 hours a day with no pay... the government "cant find these factories"/ are getting paid off by these factories and so, don't do anything about it. Scary. Brijesh told us NOT to give money to th kids because it only encourages them- he said that when he was living on th street he knew where he could go get free food and that there is always somewhere to go get free food- he said that NONE of the kids die of malnutricion ecause there is always food to be eaten. He said that he did/the kids do only spend their mony on movie tickets to go see Bollywood films and on drugs. Salam Balak is an organization that has contact spots around th New Delhi train station to give this kids food, medicine, and an informal education. They help 5000 kids a year on average and they hae temporary 24 hour shelters as well which housses these kids for a year and thn ither sends them home or find a family for them. So, we went to the shelter today. The kids were too cute- they were LOVING our cameras and so, all of the kids in my group just let the kids take pictures and took pictures of the kids yada yada, we couldn't speak to them because none of us speak Hindi but we smiled and played games with them and tried to make them laugh. It was cute but you cant give us a high five for that- it was really hard. These kids were sitting down on rugs that smelled so bad and were dirty and barefoot... BUT this is not because the shelter is bad, the shelter is actually fantastic, this is because this is India. That sounds mean and I am sorry but it is just what it is. It was just the first time i got that close to Indians... like hugging and so on. I was just shocked because this really is a different world. Ah, again, I am sorry because this sounds really pretentious and onoxious but i am not trying to be, it is just hard to see. BUT we can help!! We can either ovlunteer at the shelter or we can support one of the children for a year and it only costs about 500$. 500$ for the year. How much did you spend on your last family meal?? Exactly. Check out the website and pleasse donate OR OR OR send games, clothes, or bedding to the shelter. www.SalaamBaalaktrust.com That is my only promoting for today... i promise.
Speak soon!
Oh oh oh, I forgot to say, so yesterday morning I made a few of my friends come with me to the Sikh temple at 4 am to see the temple without tourists. I thought 4 am was early- but th people "wake up the book" at 2:30 am and "put it to bed" at 10pm... LONG day of prayers and i thought yom kippur wa bad ;) ... anyways, the temple looked beautiful at that hour and it was cool to be ther eand see what h appens when we are usually asleep.
Last night I went out with a few friends- w went to an incredible bar with live music- I felt like i was in Manhattan again, the band was playing the Beatles, Janis Joplin, et cetera and it was brilliant to see all of these people (who look, dress, and drink like me) from th other ssid of the world singing ALL of the words to some of my favorite songs. SMALL WORLD.
Today we woke up and went to see Humayum's Tomb... words will not express how it looks... just think of Aladdin... I am not kidding I actually started to sing "A whole new world"... i will show pictures soon.
THEN we went to the Tibetan quarter and it was the best. Really unbelievabl- we ate Tibetan food (which makes me SO excitd to go to Dharmassala because I don't think i can eat rice and curry anymore sorry ). Wheen we were leaving we tried to get a rickshaw and before i knew it a cop was there yelling and hitting the cabbbies with his stick- I have no idea what happened but the police man was just walking and yelling and hitting the rickshaws- he even intentionally broke some of the mirrors- it was the most brutal thing I have seen here thus far- I forget that I am not in the US and I cannot say something and tell him to back off... so... yeah. That was not fun.
Finally, we got a rickshaw and he took us to the metro station- this man biked with 4 girls in the back and it only cost 20 rs. That is less than 50 cents- to be honest that was the hardest thing I have had to see in the past 3 days... he works SO hard and doesn't get paid anything- don't gt me wrong he probably has a good life but i cannot believe how hard he has to work for such a life.
We went to the New Delhi Train Station where, by the way, if a child is there alone it takes only 20 seconds on average for him/her to get kidnapped. That train station is actually one of the most dangerous places in Delhi. So, we got there and i REALLY had to go to the bathroom and so, i left thr group and ran to the closesst one. Don't be scared- the worst thing that can happen during the day is getting pick pocketed, BUT i cannot say how oevrwhelming it is to be surrounded by sso m any men. Delhi might as well be called Delhim because there are NO women in sight!! They are all at home with the kids and cooking so, when you walk down the street it is you and one million men. A bit much at times.
So, we went to the station to meet Brijesh- our tour guide for a street kids tour of Delhi-the organization that runs it is called Salam Balak (the one who started it was the mother of the woman who directed Salam Bombay or Salam Mumbai I dont remember). This tour was led by Brijesh, a 20 year old guy, who used to be a street boy. He ran away from home at th age of 6 because he thought that it was bullshit that he worked so hard for money but his parents took the money and didnt send him to sschool or anything. So, he left Bihar thinking "fuck it, if i am going to work this hard then i might as well take the mony for myself" so he boarded a train and firsst went to a small university town and thn made his way to Delhi. 60 Percent of the kids that run away are from Bihar.... 20% of those who run away are girls; however, you do not see th girls on the street bcause within seconds (literally, as above stated, 20 seconds in some places) they are picked up by pimps and forced into sex circles. Oh, also insane fact, about 30 run away kids come to Delhi every day. The kids on my trip asked if gang leaders or parents mutilate the kids in order to collect more money and we were told that that does not happen around here- it might in other places but not here. The worst thing that happens to these kids is that they are taken to factories that are hidden in this city and forced to work about 14 hours a day with no pay... the government "cant find these factories"/ are getting paid off by these factories and so, don't do anything about it. Scary. Brijesh told us NOT to give money to th kids because it only encourages them- he said that when he was living on th street he knew where he could go get free food and that there is always somewhere to go get free food- he said that NONE of the kids die of malnutricion ecause there is always food to be eaten. He said that he did/the kids do only spend their mony on movie tickets to go see Bollywood films and on drugs. Salam Balak is an organization that has contact spots around th New Delhi train station to give this kids food, medicine, and an informal education. They help 5000 kids a year on average and they hae temporary 24 hour shelters as well which housses these kids for a year and thn ither sends them home or find a family for them. So, we went to the shelter today. The kids were too cute- they were LOVING our cameras and so, all of the kids in my group just let the kids take pictures and took pictures of the kids yada yada, we couldn't speak to them because none of us speak Hindi but we smiled and played games with them and tried to make them laugh. It was cute but you cant give us a high five for that- it was really hard. These kids were sitting down on rugs that smelled so bad and were dirty and barefoot... BUT this is not because the shelter is bad, the shelter is actually fantastic, this is because this is India. That sounds mean and I am sorry but it is just what it is. It was just the first time i got that close to Indians... like hugging and so on. I was just shocked because this really is a different world. Ah, again, I am sorry because this sounds really pretentious and onoxious but i am not trying to be, it is just hard to see. BUT we can help!! We can either ovlunteer at the shelter or we can support one of the children for a year and it only costs about 500$. 500$ for the year. How much did you spend on your last family meal?? Exactly. Check out the website and pleasse donate OR OR OR send games, clothes, or bedding to the shelter. www.SalaamBaalaktrust.com That is my only promoting for today... i promise.
Speak soon!
Friday, January 16, 2009
And so it begins....
I am in India! How do i know? I know because i can smell it. There is a smell to Delhi that i can proudly say i am now used to... 24 hours in and I am used to it... well kind of used to it. We arrived yesterday and the second I walked outside of the airport I thought i was in a movie taking place in Cuba. I know, i know... Delhi is NOT Cuba but I guess it is what i pictured Cuba to be like. Anyways, I feel like i am in a movie because the air here is SO different from anything i have ever seen or experienced before so, to be honest, i dont really feel like i AM here... i feel like i am just looking at this new world. Speaking of looking at this new world, it was INCREDIBLE to look out of the airplane minutes before we landed. You can actually SEE the giant hotels next to trailor parks which are next to the slums... I have a picture which i'll show you later but it is almost scary. I always told myself that if we SAW thousands of homeless people every day then we would be pushed to do something about it. This city proves me wrong. Really really really wrong- it is also interesting to see how the leaders/ guide books et cetera tell you that this is "just part of the social fabric" or "dont worry they are not REALLY suffering" or "they are not as destitute as they seem".... I guess i will be the one saying that at the end of this epic trip, but not now. It is really heart breaking. That said, the little kids on the street are so fucking cute. I have great pictures of the little mushy mushes that i will show you when I'm back. The cutest is listening to them try to say our names.. Jessica is "jetika" Elinor is "??" (that name never makes sense to little kids) and Tawni is "Conwy". Awww.
I got to see Carrie last night which was incredible- i have not seen her since May and she looks and smells like a true Indian (you know you are REALLY experiencing a country when...) she took me and a couple people from the program to the Manderine hotel prefacing our little trip by saying "This is NOT the India you are going to see but it is a part of India that you should see to understand what India really is." This hotel was beautiful- we went to the bar on the 20th floor which overlooked all of the fields of homeless people. That is India. We took a rickshaw to get there- a three wheeled car with 6 of us in it.. well not REALLY in it.. more like hanging out of it... funny/ not so much.
This morning we had a mini orientation and the leaders (all amazing... two Tibetan men and three American women... one a Barnard graduate uhu... i know) were telling us about things that we need to know... the cardinal rules... the dos and don'ts. Some were obvious and others were DEFINITELY NOT. For instance, here it is rude if you don't check your change after you purchase something- it shows that you don't care about money, or that you do not respect working for money. Also, they told us that it is really hard to find small change. Why? BECAUSE most of the people here are poor and so, if they get 10 rupees (about 20 cents) they will keep it hidden under their bed. So interesting! Cynthia, the program director, then started to talk about how the women should dress yada yada, and most of it was pretty understandable but then she said "don't worry, you (speaking to the women) will just get used to walking with your eyes looking down." Wow.
We went to a Sikh temple today (Carrie joined us) and then we went to a Hindi temple where i got my first blessings! I am sitting here with my red dot/ third eye and flower petals in my hair.
One of the boys on the program, a boy Russel from Emory, is making a documentary about this semester. WOO! That is something i would always want someone to do... someone else to do. So i am excited.
No one has gotten sick yet... I am kind of excited for my first "Indian sickness." I obviously hope that i don't get sick too much but on the other hand I have enough Immodium and Cipro to cure a nation so i feel like i should be using it.
I also have come to terms with the fact that i WILL be dirty for the next 6 months. It feels like the air is painting a new layer on to my skin and it is just lovely. ;)
I got to see Carrie last night which was incredible- i have not seen her since May and she looks and smells like a true Indian (you know you are REALLY experiencing a country when...) she took me and a couple people from the program to the Manderine hotel prefacing our little trip by saying "This is NOT the India you are going to see but it is a part of India that you should see to understand what India really is." This hotel was beautiful- we went to the bar on the 20th floor which overlooked all of the fields of homeless people. That is India. We took a rickshaw to get there- a three wheeled car with 6 of us in it.. well not REALLY in it.. more like hanging out of it... funny/ not so much.
This morning we had a mini orientation and the leaders (all amazing... two Tibetan men and three American women... one a Barnard graduate uhu... i know) were telling us about things that we need to know... the cardinal rules... the dos and don'ts. Some were obvious and others were DEFINITELY NOT. For instance, here it is rude if you don't check your change after you purchase something- it shows that you don't care about money, or that you do not respect working for money. Also, they told us that it is really hard to find small change. Why? BECAUSE most of the people here are poor and so, if they get 10 rupees (about 20 cents) they will keep it hidden under their bed. So interesting! Cynthia, the program director, then started to talk about how the women should dress yada yada, and most of it was pretty understandable but then she said "don't worry, you (speaking to the women) will just get used to walking with your eyes looking down." Wow.
We went to a Sikh temple today (Carrie joined us) and then we went to a Hindi temple where i got my first blessings! I am sitting here with my red dot/ third eye and flower petals in my hair.
One of the boys on the program, a boy Russel from Emory, is making a documentary about this semester. WOO! That is something i would always want someone to do... someone else to do. So i am excited.
No one has gotten sick yet... I am kind of excited for my first "Indian sickness." I obviously hope that i don't get sick too much but on the other hand I have enough Immodium and Cipro to cure a nation so i feel like i should be using it.
I also have come to terms with the fact that i WILL be dirty for the next 6 months. It feels like the air is painting a new layer on to my skin and it is just lovely. ;)
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