a perfect distraction.

I have to write a 15 page paper for tomorrow and i am choosing to update this instead.  I thought i would leave my last minute homework tendencies at home... apparently not. 

 

So, I am back in Dharamsala and living in a hotel with the rest of the group... it is basically a frat house and i am loving it.  It's brilliant.  I am saying that "i am back" because i just got back from my spring break.  I traveled with my friends Allie, Josh, Stacey, and Becky.. the first two go to Columbia and the latter two are students at Emory. We first went to Agra for 14 hours (which was definitely enough time in that city) to see the Taj Mahal.  It is as beautiful and incredible as you think it would be... it is huge, beautifully white, and clean... just lovely.  They charge Indians 10Rs. to get in and foreigners must pay 700Rs.  isn't that insane?  Apparently it cost about 2,000Rs. a few months ago but anyways, I tried to be Indian when i bought the tickets but it didn't work... so yes, i was scammed and paid too much money to see the Taj Mahal. I don't regret it though- it truly was incredible.  Agra, on the other hand, not so much.  The sections of the city are either 147% filled with tourists and thus annoying and unnecessarily expensive OR they are completely untouched by tourists which is fun but also intense.  I saw my first Indian elephant and camel which put all of the Israeli camels and American elephants I have seen to shame.  I NEVER KNEW ELEPHANTS AND CAMELS COULD BE THAT BIG!!  I was in a rickshaw and turned the corner to see this MASSIVE elephant walking down the street being ridden by this man ON the main road.. the elephant's face was painted pink and yellow and its feet were painted so it looked like it was wearing shoes... it was adorable.  Definitely the biggest adorable thing i have ever seen in my life.  I saw camel-drawn carriages holding 7 people... THAT attests to how big the camels were... really my understanding of a camel's size drastically changed.  We roamed the more untouched streets which was fun... intense... and fun.... and we actually got caught in a parade and all of the Indian men grabbed my friend Josh and pulled him into the center where everyone was dancing... then he grabbed me and the rest of the girls and gave us flower necklaces, food and bandanas and made us dance.  I am so glad that I was traveling with a boy because if i was alone that would NEVER happen.  Women are never included in the street festivals- one will only see men dancing... but I guess the men felt more comfortable bringing us in because Josh was with us. Speaking of that male-comfort when we went to restaurants or got onto trains or had any questions or walked into shops everyone would only talk to Josh.... "sir, what will you all be ordering?" "sir, the train is coming in ten minutes" "sir, where are you all from?"... it was pretty interesting.  I felt like i had a secretary. Thanks Josh. 

So, while we were caught up in the little parade i noticed this very flamboyant man getting pushed around and I just watched... he was not getting beaten up, men were pushing him away because he was getting very close to them and touching them.  The man was definitely gay and I could tell that he was marginalized in the crowd.  It was really sad because i could see that he adopted that place in society and was very loud and pulled his pants down and asked men to spank him and he was kind of just running around like the town's clown.  I am not really sure how homosexuality is accepted in India but it is interesting because, and i think i mentioned this earlier, the men walk around holding hands and are really affectionate with one another because PDA with women is strictly forbidden.  Something i have to ask about.  I'll let you know. 

 

So after Agra we went to Varanasi.  

 

VARANASI... what an incredible city!! Not that i have seen much of India at all... but if i can recommend one place to go, Varanasi is it.  I definitely cannot sum up the city on a blog and so i will just say a few things and just hope that you can go there soon...  So, first and foremost... the Ganga! The Ganges River! I have to first clarify to all of those who did not believe me... THE GOONCH LIVES! But, in Hindi they call it Rohoo Bakur... so take that all of you nonbelievers.  It lives at the bottom of the river and eats the bodies that are tossed into the river... not everyone is allowed to be cremated and so they are thrown into the river with a brick attached to their ankle.... I spent a lot of time sitting at the burning ghat (where they cremate the bodies) and it was surprisingly not as shocking as i believed.  A body burning doesn't scare me as much as i thought it would.  It's a body that can't be used anymore (again, easy to say when i dont know any of the people getting cremated).  I've been more aware of how I have been trained to fear death growing up in the West and I am just feeling less so now that i have recognized the ridiculousness of such a fear.  I think it was Shakespeare who said that is is funny that we fear the one thing that is inevitable in life... very true. Thank you Shakespeare.  Anyways, the burning ghats were incredible to see- everything is so systematic.  200 bodies are cremated every day and it is open 24/7. When walking through the city one will hear people chanting and turn around to see a group of men walking holding a stretcher made out of bamboo with a body of a family member on it- they chant "Truth is God. God is Truth" in Hindi.  Very matter-of-fact. Very natural.  Varanasi is such an ancient and beautiful and rich city... not money rich even though it was more modern than most of the places i have been in India, but rich with energy  (oh god....  i'm sounding more and more like a philosophy hippy no? .. kidding) but yes, the energy... the colors... the religious energy... the kindness of the people... it's just incredible.  So, we stayed for a few days and then planned to leave for Rajasthan.  PLANNED.  I ended up getting Shigella ... fabulous.  My friends went on to Rajasthan and I checked into a really nice hotel (cost $16 a night... and it was super fancy- I LOVE THIS COUNTRY). I ended up finding out that i had to check into a hospital and if you saw the hospital in Varanasi you would understand why i just caught the next flight to Delhi and checked myself in there... so i spent the last few days of my spring break in a clinic room stuck to an IV watching Hindi music videos and Bollywood movies in Hindi... least to say, if my friend Courtney weren't in Delhi and didn't come to visit me i would go crazy...  It wasn't that bad though- it is incredible how easily one can adapt.  Time passes and then these things that sound so horrific are over and it is a new day.  

While in the hospital i fell in love with India.  I fucking LOVE this country.  There are so many people and everything is extreme here... i have smelled the most incredible smells of my life here and then i have smelled the absolute worst/ nose-breaking smells.  I have seen the most incredible mountains and the most beautiful cities... i have seen the most lively and rich faces and i have seen dead people.... i have seen animals roaming the streets and then on the plates next to me... i have seen BMWs and one porsche and have seen people living in shacks...  I have taken a beautiful 45 minute flight from one city to the next and have spent 20 hours at a time on busy busy claustrophobic trains... I have seen the most corrupt police and the most honest shop owners... I have been scared and utterly calm... I have felt and been absolutely dirty and.... yeah... i guess i haven't actually felt clean yet... oh speaking of... when i checked into the brilliant hotel in Varanasi i took a shower without a bucket and the water was coming down on me from the shower head... that was the first time since january 14th.  That makes me laugh.  SO... with all of these extremes the one thing that connects all of the people here seems to be their love of this country-  I cannot tell you how many locals have said "WELCOME TO INDIA" or "India welcomes you!" "I hope you enjoy my country".... I am only that proud when in New York City but i dont think of the USA as MY country... I am not that overjoyed by it nor do i feel any connection to it.. I am American but don't feel proud of America... weird right?  That just doesn't make sense.  I know that i take my life in America for granted but anyways, I dont feel part of an "Americanness"... 

 

Oh, something else about Varanasi- EVERY INDIAN IN VARANASI SPEAKS HEBREW!! You know a lot of Israelis travel somewhere when... 

It was insane.. i would walk down the street and everyone would say "shalom! ma kore??" my jaw was on the floor the entire time... probably not a good idea because water buffalo roam the streets like squirrel do in new york city... a few of them charged down an alley when my friend Stacey and i were walking and let me just say that I was a fool and just stood there because it was my first time witnessing a large mammal charging and i simply didn't know what to do... a shop owner ended up shoving me and Stacey into a wall which saved us. Dhanyavad/Thank you shop owner. 

 

RANDOM: A little something to think about... so... what makes Elinor Elinor?  I would say my mind and my body... right? the two come together to make "me".  So why is it that i point to my heart when i talk about myself?  Think about it... if someone just said "YOU are the one who stole the money!" Wouldn't you point to your heart and say "ME?"... 

another random thing that I have been thinking about... so have you ever been in a situation where someone was just not being themselves or if someone is just not paying attention and caught yourself saying "where did you just go?" or have you ever heard someone say that to you? Isn't that a weird phrase to naturally say given the fact that we said Elinor is her mind and body...i dont know if that made sense but it does in my head... if i dont resolve this by the time i leave here we can talk about it when i get back... sorry for that stream of thought... 

 

So, I left the clinic in Delhi just in time to arrive in Dharamsala and catch the Nechung Oracle go into trance back at Sarah.  What does that mean?  Well, the oracle is this man through whom Nechung, the spirit, enters and gives advice to the world... or in this case to the reincarnate of Gen Lopsang Gyatso... again, i am not so sure how i feel about all of these ideas of reincarnates and spirits but i must say that it was incredible to see how all of the believers reacted.  Actually, even if i do eventually believe in reincarnations i dont think that it is fair to take a boy when he is 8 years old and tell him that he used to be someone else... most children don't have personal agency at that age but i find it to be extremely limiting and unfair to tell a child that he was someone else in his last life and that it is his duty to carry on the life that "he started" in his past life... i dont think it is fair or healthy.  So this all must sound so ridiculous right?  Reincarnations of people who have passed... worldly spirits entering into a mans body to give information to those residing in this realm... protection mantras... lucky grains of rice...  crazy eh? 

Well.. I am not sure what i believe in but yeah, I think some of this sounds pretty out of this world.  This week was a beautiful week though because I went from having this oracle experience on Monday to going to the Chabad house for the second seder on Thursday night and yeah... religion is pretty out of this world and crazy... the Rabbi let it be known that studying the Torah is THE way to happiness and THE way to figuring out the truth... he mocked me for finding truth in some Buddhist philosophy and I just laughed.  Why? Well... because i think it is really funny that some hold their truth to be THE truth... their god to be THE god... their tradition to be THE way... and their texts to be THE texts.  I am not condemning religion but i am condemning some peoples' inability to open their eyes and be interested in the different ways people choose to gain knowledge and gain a better understanding of themselves and who they are and why we are all here and what we are all doing.... I have found this intolerance within some of the Buddhist communities i have stepped into and definitely was saddened to see it in the Chabad house.  The members of the Chabad house were uninterested in hearing about what i am learning and they were completely incurious about Dharamsala and the exiled Tibetan community living here... and in the Buddhist circle i have been hearing people tell me that i am "just not ready" to become a Buddhist because i told them that i was not interested in taking the refuge vows (taking refuge in the Buddha, the Dharma (his teachings) and the Sangha (the buddhist community of realized beings))... there is this weird detachment between believers in a faith (whether it be judaism or buddhism) and the nonbelievers.  Its really unfortunate though because we all have a lot to learn from each other... and if our eyes are SO CLOSED that we cannot look past our group of black hat black coat wearers or the red robe wearers... we are going to remain ignorant for a long long long time. 

As far as i am concerned, and please tell me if i am wrong, no one REALLY knows what we are doing here and why we are here... some of us have found truth in certain philosophies and answers provided by different religions and some of us have come up with our own answers and reasons and some of us don't even think about it... so, how does one have the right to tell someone else that their reason is wrong?  For me... THAT is the craziest of all... crazier than a spirit coming into ones body... crazier than some believing that the Messiah is back.  Do you know why? because i can't 100% say that the spirit isn't there and i cannot 100% say that the man with the white beard isn't the Messiah... i just don't know. But what i do know is that if we cannot find space and time to respect all people for their infinite answers and reasons to these inexplicable questions we are fucked.  

 

On that note... i am going to write my paper. Sending Indian love and Shigella to all 5 of you who read this... hi mom and dad!! ;) 

ps. remember how i spoke about how the Tibetan language is very in line with the Tibetan mentality and Buddhist philosophy? WELL... they have a word "shemshock" that means finding the truth with the power of the heart... I wonder if there is aWestern language that would have a word for such a concept. 

more...

Humayan's tomb.  This was one of the Alladin moments I had... 

A few of the boys at the shelter I told you about. 

A cutie-pattooty scrunch face at a temple in Delhi. 

Sunday in India. 

I will add more photos later... but i have to run to class... xx

Finally .... les photos

A market in Delhi... notice all of the lovely ladies in the crowd. 

This is Kinari Bazaar in Old Delhi... definitely one of my favorite places in the world. 

Traffic in Kinari Bazaar 

mom meet monk... monk meet mom.

No more campus- i moved to the "city", Mcleod Ganj, and when i say city i mean a hill station with three winding streets on the side of a mountain.... it's fabulous.... (I know that i promised some of you pictures but I forgot the cord to connect my camera to my computer and... because i would have to trek up these winding roads to get home.... i decided i will do it later on this week... sorry). 

So, I moved into a home stay... which i like to call my room stay.  I am living with my Aja-lah (older sister) and my Ama-lah (mom) in a room that is the size of my dorm room from last semester.  It might sound like i am complaining but know that I'm not.  It is actually pretty amazing to see how much stuff and space i can live without (finding an apartment for next semester will be way easier now that my standards are ridiculously low- i wonder how long this will last).  The living situation is crazy though- i spend half of my time just staring at the things that go on around me... We wake up at 6am and from 6-7 my mom prepares the shrine/altar...  (which takes up one third of the room by the way).  She does prostrations and prays as she refills the offering cups with water and fills the room with incenses (i once woke up to her dangling the incense basket over my head and i thought that there was a fire... it was funny. kind of) ... So watching her is pretty incredible- I have never seen anyone so dedicated... anyways... my Ama-lah is from Tibet, a village near Mt.Kailash (which, i just learned is the strongest tantric site (energy wise) in the world, pretty cool) so yes, she does not know a word of English and my Tibetan is limited... so all i say to her is "this is delicious... I will see you later... Goodnight! Good morning! Monkey (ill explain later)...." but I can tell that she is just a really good and nice person- her smile is incredible and she giggles a lot.  Her daughter/my sister on the other hand is quite a character.  I call her Hitler... She is so bossy it is incredible! I haven't been around someone this bossy since elementary school... here are a few of our conversations... 

(after marching 4 miles on Tibetan Uprising Day) 

Elinor: I'm hungry, I'm going to get some grapes so that i can survive the rest of the walk.

Aja-lah: No. You're not. 

Elinor: Um. Yes. 

(After eating three servings of food because she wouldn't stop giving me food and telling me that i have to finish it)

Elinor: This is delicious but i am full. 

Aja-lah: Try harder.

(Again, after eating another insanely big meal) 

Elinor: My stomach hurts- this was so good but i am full! Thank you!

Aja-lah: Push Harder

(sitting in a cab with my legs to the side with my ankles crossed... elegant right? Apparently not. )

Aja--lah: Sit properly!

Me: What?? 

(After 3 days of living in her room)

Aja-lah: I don't know your name. 

Elinor: Haha

Silence

Elinor: Really? Elinor.

Aja-lah: Eh wn?

Elinor: Just call me El

(FYI: She doesn't call me anything... she communicates with me through commands)

I am laughing just thinking about these conversations... you should have seen my faces i have never been so confused!! What?? Really?? So a few days ago I went to Bhagsunag which is another little hill town which is famous for its beautiful waterfall and is infamous this little tea shop above the waterfall which serves marijuana tea and pot lassies (similar to milkshakes) and so, my friends and i went to try everything... least to say, none of it really worked BUT the cafe was relaxing and beautiful nonetheless AND there was marijuana growing freely around us... it was beautiful.  Anyways, I guess the drinks must have worked a little bit because when i got home to have dinner with my mom and Hitler I finally had the courage to say "No. I will not eat any more"  My ama-lah laughed because i was laughing and Hitler wasn't too happy... (In class today i asked my teacher how to say "sorry but that is impossible" in Tibetan... and so i think I'm set for a bit... ;) ) At the end of the day though my sister is a good person... a bit mistaken but is harmless. 

I am realizing that i am just blabbering so, I'm going to do the whole "topic title" thing so that you don't have to waste your time reading everything. So, if you haven't given up already.... 

MY ROOM:

As i said before, i live in a room with my mom, sister, and alter... fortunately i went to the house before i had time to collect my luggage BECAUSE there is no room in the house for the small suite case i planned to bring with me... so i bought a little bag and put some clothes, underwear and toothbrush in it and that little bag is hiding under my bed... The place is actually quite comfortable- it is warm at night and i have a bed so no complaining.. There is a tin roof and so I hear EVERY monkey foot/hand step.. which is a bit scary (stories to follow) and there is no bathroom in the house.. the bathroom is down the alley- it is clean but definitely a bit scary to go to at night.... Oh and i have a 7:30 curfew... and that shouldn't be a big deal because what else would i be doing right? but i can't do anything in my room except watch my mom and sister talk in Tibetan and try to guess what they are talking about... or sleep. I tried to do work a few times but then my sister says "Ok, now i teach you Korean" and then i tried to smile and nod and then she says "where is your notebook? I teach you Korean"... then i put my books away and she says "You don't do homework- it is bad... other students do homework you are a bad student." AHHHH... i am convinced that this is all just a test of my patience and so all i can do is laugh... 

PEEYUU:

I was sitting with my ama-lah and she said "peeyuu!" so i thought "sure, smell bad? ok... we are in India!" so i said "peeyuu" back... then i realized that there was a monkey in our kitchen...ohhh ok... "peeyu" means monkey. 

I actually saw a monkey walking (on his two feet) into some one's apartment a few days ago... it was really funny... it looked like he lived there and was just going home... 

Another monkey story... so a few nights ago i had a crazy nightmare about monkeys with rabies and I woke up and thought "Elinor, you are 21 enough with these lame nightmares" and then i realized that there was monkeys CHILLING on my roof! I heard them walking and eating... I laughed... shook my head... and went back to sleep thinking "elinor... have as many nightmares as you want" ;) 

HOLY:

I have to talk about this briefly because a few people asked me about it... so Holy is a Hindi holiday in which there is a reversal of roles with the gods? and the gods throw colors at each other? i don't know... all i do know is that this holiday is celebrated with Indians running around throwing dry chalk at each other and so the streets and people are COVERED in hot pink, neon green, and yellow colors... so it turned out that Holy fell on the same day as His Holiness's public teaching (which were on emptiness and were brilliant!!!) and so my friends and i were all wearing our chupas and walked through the streets saying "oh please... we are wearing chupas that is not fair..." and no one touched us... i ended up changing and then went out with friends and i saw a huge group of men (obviously men because there are no Indian women to be found on the streets of India) so yes, a group of men waiting down the street with their hands filled with chalk... so i hid behind my friend Stacey who was wearing a chupa and it worked for a bit and then i saw a guy coming at me... so i ran into a store thinking "haha... i am safe! you can't get me in here!" so... thinking i am miss smarty pants I'm laughing in the store and then a guy just walked in with a "you think i care" face on and SMEARED this chalk all over my face and it was gross and funny... so then i just ran out and as i was running down the hill all of these other men just smeared this chalk on my face... and i was laughing so my mouth was open and some of Indian-man-hand and this chalk got into my mouth... I am using the word smear on purpose because it is just so gross having ANYONE let alone strangers rub their hands on your face... hahaha EW!! I like to say i was face-raped.  (All i could think of was that scene in some movie with Ben Stiller playing basketball and he jumps up to make a shot and this fat and sweaty man jumps at the same time and Ben Stiller's face just SMEARS across the fat guys stomach???? anyone???)

HHDL:

His public teachings were awesome- unfortunately it was only one day this year (usually it will last for a week) but it was still amazing... i love watching masses of people react to HHDL- it is really fascinating.  Anyways, he was supposed to discuss the Jataka Tales (tales of the Buddha's past lives... blahhhh) BUT just my luck he taught about dependent arising and emptiness- sweet! (you know i am turning into a total loser when....) seriously though, it really was amazing.  They say that when you read HHDL's books or hear his teachings they all sound the same (so true) but they say that when you read/study this stuff you have to apply the teachings to your life AT THAT MOMENT... so it is pretty cool following my own thoughts and see where my head is all the time... 

UPRISING DAY/WOMEN'S UPRISING DAY:

I don't want to talk about these days much but i will just say that they were pretty incredible... Tibetan Women's Uprising Day is not a day of women uprising for their own rights... it is a day of Tibetan women protesting against the COLLECTIVE issues that Tibetan people and Tibet is facing... it is really beautiful.  As a Westerner... a Barnardian Westerner... I admit that anytime i hear anything about women protesting i think it is them trying to defend themselves or their rights... it was nice to see that that is not necessarily true- there was nothing gender-specific about the day. 

YOGA:

I started doing yoga every day.... not only do i feel fat (still a bag of rice... but now a bag of rice with great legs thanks to the mountain lifestyle) and i feel like i can't breath (I'm blaming the altitude... but then i realized that my instructor inhales and exhales twice in a minute and now I'm thinking it might just be me....).  My instructor is a snake- literally he moves like Gumbi... and it is just brilliant. 

TITLE:

Just to explain the title... so in this culture one calls any older woman "Aja-lah" (older sister) out of respect... every nun is referred to as "ani-lah"... every monk is referred to as "kusho-lah" or "tapa-lah" and so.... when i introduce people it sounds like "monk meet nun" and i just think it is funny... because then my friend will be on the phone and I'll ask who is on the phone? and they say "ani-lah" oh... wow that's fantastic because i know exactly who you are talking about... 

VEGETARIAN: 

So I decided not to eat meat while in India because of cleanliness issues... BUT my ani-lah (hah) told me about this little place with the BEST tandoori chicken in India so my group decided to go... and because we are a group of 15 people we had to call the little hole in the wall place and say "Hey... a big group of people are coming tomorrow" sooo.... my teacher comes up to me the night before and asks " are you eating meat tomorrow" so i said... ehhh i don't know yet- why? and she said " they have to know how many chickens to kill".... 

WHAT!!?!

I am so used to ordering chicken off of a menu or having it on the table because my mom bought it earlier from ShopRight.... i am SO detached from the whole process that i realized that i have to stop eating meat... I don't think there is anything wrong about eating meat and about killing animals to eat them even though that sounds extremely depressing BUT... i do think something is wrong with the fact that i don't mind eating an animal but i do mind killing an animal... doesn't make sense right??

Right... so i decided to stop eating meat until i become more aware of  what had to be done to get that meat.... i think that is important of everything though no? we should be able to eat a salad and stop for a second and think "wow... someone lives on a farm and collected these tomatoes and then someone else collected them and then someone else sorted through them oh wow and then someone else brought them to shop right and now i am eating them..."

Ok... i have to go home because it is 7:23 and i don't want sergeant Hitler to kill me... 

xxe

Losar la tashi delek

Happy Tibetan New Year! This year celebrations were minimal as to commemorate those who have suffered in Tibet in the last 50 years and especially in the last year. They had a hunger strike and protests in Dharmasala and only the spiritual rituals were carried out.... I heard that the New York Times had an article about Losar this week... go check it out if you can. Again, I look forward to talking to you about this when i return...

OK. SO... stories...

After i wrote my last post I was sitting in philosophy class which was being held at the monastery and I was half asleep... dozing off as i tried to wrap my head around tantric teachings... and then this guy who works at the monastery popped his head into the class and said "sorry, monkey go into window room 304". I grabbed my key and RAN upstairs and opened my door to find a monkey sitting in my bathroom... Sitting down this monkey was about 3.5 feet tall... we eyed each other down and then i stomped my foot and he jumped out of the window... it was the funniest and scariest 5 second eye to eye I have ever had with a monkey ;)

A lot of my friends traveled this week but I stayed around and I am happy that i did because i really did get to spend a lot of time with the kids here and so a lot of my 'we only say hi to each other acquaintances' turned into good friends... so nice but also a bit annoying because we leave this campus in one week from tomorrow. :( When we arrived 6 weeks ago the students put on a talent show for us and now we are surprising them with a little show and party... My friends and i are doing a Tibetan dance to the song "Come on Eilleen"- yeahh... hopefully that will work out.

All i did this week was relax... I spent hours on the roof listening to music, reading, dozing in and out of sleep and just talking to friends... I was able to talk to Raia and Elan for the first time since i left and that was amazing... (Oritt, if you're reading this, i will call you soon miss sorority girl). I played a LOT of basketball with new friends... new monk friends... ;) and visited peoples' rooms- this week we were allowed to go into the boys dorm!! HUGE DEAL!! Remember how I keep talking about this 6th grade level of boy/girl interactions?? Well, i invited two of my guy friends to my room and i told my roommate and she freaked out!! She got so flustered and was running around back and forth trying to make everything perfectly clean and she fixed her hair and it was just the sweetest thing... We had a Dance Party which was the first time in the past month that i felt like i could really relieve all of the energy I have pent up in me... I love relaxing 24-7 but sometimes I just miss the fast paced BAM of life back at home... We had a bonfire two nights ago which was also a lot of fun... it was interesting though because i stopped and looked around at one point and noticed that the boy who was maintaining the fire was my one friend who was raised as a cowboy in east Tibet... so I was sitting there thinking "wow, cool, a fire! how nice... what a fun thing to do with friends...I am going to throw leaves in the fire and see what happens to them" and he was probably not thinking about the fire because he grew up making fires all the time so that he could stay warm at night as he herded his sheep. I love having those random moments of "holy shit, we are so different" because i have these random spurts of "oh my god"nesses as I am sitting and just hanging out with these people... we enjoy the same music, have the same sense of humor (when we understand each other) and get along really well... we are all just people.

Another example of an ohmigod moment... I went to go get tea from the canteen during a tea break and I was walking with my mug in one hand and my laptop in the other and the women standing in front and behind me in line were holding a mug in one hand and had a basket of laundry resting on their heads... these moments are priceless because again, we are all just people... and the funniest part of all is that i look a LOT like these women... I'm just the one wearing black and they are decked out in the most beautiful and luscious colors... welcome to my life.

I visited Daramkot for the first time. It is a village about 20 minutes up and around the mountain from Mcleod Ganj.. this village might as well be called Mini-Israel... they have a Chabad house and Israeli flags and signs in Hebrew everywhere- I felt like i was in the Twilight Zone.

I am moving into a home stay next week... this is my first time doing this and so I'm definitely anxious to see how it goes... it will be interesting because some of the kids are moving into houses with families and they get their own room and then some will be moving into one bedroom homes with families and so will be living in a kitchen with the family... we wont know where we are living until we get there... OH the possibilities!! I am just laughing on the inside because I know that if i don't laugh then i will be nervous... so yes, ill keep you updated.

Oh... a few of my friends expressed a few concerns about me losing too much weight and becoming a nun... first of all about the weight loss... DO NOT WORRY- well worry, but not about the weight loss, you should probably worry about the weight gain... i feel like a bag of rice/i am a bag of rice. And as for becoming a nun... it's not going to happen for the simple reason that i cannot sit with my legs crossed for more than 20 minutes... ha ha ha right? not so much... i almost dread going to audiences because mid way through i have the awkward "i cannot feel my left leg and its starting to burn" face on and then i always have that one second eye to eye with whoever is giving the teaching and my fake smile just screams "I am suffering!! I now understand the 1st Noble Truth" (sorry, my Dharma jokes are getting out of hand.. i swear, if you dont get it, they are kind of funny)...

C'est tout!

Sorry for the delay... I have wanted to write but just have not found the time or internet to do it... so here goes... my last two or so weeks in India. I might not be writing everything down in order so pardon me if it is confusing. Also, it is going to be long.. and i do not expect anyone to read this except for my parents...

_________. Sorry, I have been sitting in front of this computer for 13 minutes and I don't know what to say... I have been having some really fucking intense experiences here and my thoughts have been going a mile a minute for the past few weeks and I am not sure if i can verbalize what's going on... but ill try.

Ok, so right now i am sitting in a monastery in Sherabling. Losar, the Tibetan new year, is this week and so everyone is preparing physically, mentally, spiritually... the Tibetan community has decided not to celebrate the new year as they usually do (with grand festivities and such) because of the troubles that Tibet has been struggling with in the past year. In preparation for the new year they have special pujas/prayer ceremonies and yesterday I sat in on one for an hour and let me just say that it was incredible- the monastery i am visiting is of the Kague (spelling?) tradition and so closely tied to Tantric practices and so the colors and sounds and offering are just so vivid that it actually took my breath away. I did not have a total spiritual connection and I am not converting tomorrow but the energy in the room was just incredible. When one walks into a temple it is proper to do three prostrations and as i was doing mine two monks were banging on these two huge drums right in front of my face and to my left were the men blowing the horns and the entire room was just filled with monks and it was breathtaking...
I am here with the group and we were given the chance to speak to the Rimpoche of this monastery and it was interesting. Many people walked out of the room offended by what the guy was saying (he spoke nonsense about Islam and global warming...) and i just walked out with a huge smile on my face. I am constantly surrounded by concepts, discussions, readings et cetera about Buddhism and about finding THE truth and about the paths that can lead me to this truth and I can see myself getting really defensive and scared. Defensive because I look at Buddhism like a beautiful philosophy that we all have things to learn from, but then again i look at it like a religion that, like all religions, has the potential to do great things in the world and has the potential to be used for bad things... so, inside I have this wall up and I am constantly asking questions and drilling people on some of the theories (according to Sakyamuni Buddha being so skeptical is important...finally, my cynicism is appreciated ;). I am scared because while i can recognize many faults within myself and within the society in which i live, i can confidently say that i am happy with the life that i have at home and i am scared that one day i will wake up and either fully realize the lack of inherent existence or see a glimpse of THE truth and want to just shave my head and retreat in a cave for a decade...
Ok... i am realizing that i am blabbing on and on... i will try to say it concisely. I have always found many truths in Buddhism, but a lot of Buddhism is founded on the belief that life as we know it is driven by ignorance and that "I" as I know myself, does not inherently exist... both of these concepts are frightening to me... beautiful and honest in ways... but really fucking frightening. So, the reason why i walked out of the audience with the rimpoche with a HUGE smile on my face is that i was relieved to know that such an honored and wise Buddhist figure could be so ignorant... it was a reminder that AT THE END OF THE DAY WE ARE ALL JUST PEOPLE.

Sorry about that mind blob... so, onto the stories.

AMRITSAR:
I went to Amritsar last weekend and I just felt like Jasmine from Alladin the entire time. Amritsar is a Punjabi city near the border of Pakistan and is famous for The Golden Temple and for the many horrendous massacres that have taken place in the city in the past century (Jallianwala Bagh anyone?). My friends and I stayed in a pilgrimage home (the Golden Temple is the mecca for Sikhs and so, thousands of people make pilgrimages to Amritsar every day)... so you might be thinking what is a pilgrimage home?? Well, it is a place that gives free shelter to anyone who is making a pilgrimage to the temple... so when my friends and i arrived they just looked at us and walked us to this room with people sleeping in it and my friends and i just looked at each other with a face of "we are not THAT intense" and we asked them for a private room... you might be thinking "oh what a snob...." Don't. In order to get to our room we had to walk over people sleeping and the room had three beds with stains all over the wall and moist spots on the sheets (i know...) and one light bulb hanging in the middle of the room that wouldn't turn off... why did we have to walk over people? because everyone just sleeps on the floor in the courtyard and we arrived at 3am... so 3am we went directly to the temple and we saw the "awakening of the book" ceremony... The book is the Sikh book of prayers and from 3 in the morning (sometimes at 2) till 10 pm there is someone reading out of the book and so, at three they woke the book up and it was an incredible ceremony... i promise when i get a good internet connection i will put up 100s of pictures because my words cannot give justice to the colors and sounds and shapes of the things i am seeing every day... so, we saw this ceremony and then watched the sunrise and then ate breakfast and passed out for 2 hours before we went exploring.. Amritsar is amazing. It is a busy, cluttered Indian city FILLED with Sikhs... Sikhs are supposed to wear the 5 K's.... I don't know what they are in Punjabi and I only know some of them but... they have to wear a turban, a knife, this silver bracelet with prayers on it (wow, i sound ignorant) and underpants... i am interested to know what the last K is... anyways... can you picture that? I was in the movie Alladin... there were 100s of men walking around in turbans with knives (not gang knives... knives that curve) hanging off of their belts and some men were walking around with spears... when was the last time you saw a spear?? it was incredible- also, I can confidently say that we were the only Western tourists in the city and so people were just FREAKING OUT when they saw my blond friend Josh and my friends Becky and Stacey... People don't freak out when they see me, they just look at me in state of confusion and i know that inside they are thinking "where is that girl's corta?" "why is that Indian wearing jeans?" it's funny- so yes, i spent the day watching my friends get swarmed by Indians... I, on the other hand, was just asked if i was married and I forgot to say yes once and when i said no this man just looked at me and pointed to his friends and said "choose". Not going to lie, I not only felt so flattered and also so empowered.. could you imagine if i came home with a spear holding Sikh? That same day my friends and i were walking down the street and this man sees my friend Josh (tall, blond New Yorker Jew) and grabs him and invites us to come to his school... he dragged us into the courtyard of the all girls school that he runs and served us tea and we just took pictures with the girls and tried to speak with them (it is comical that i am in INDIA studying Tibetan... literally when i walk off campus and out of Dharmasala I cant talk to anyone) but then the girls started asking us for our autographs which was a bit awkward.. i was just looking at them thinking "I am no one trust me, this will just be something else you will have to wash off of your hands..." anyways... they continued jumping on my friends and again, i had time to just stand back at watch them... it was really nice and loving actually- this is how we spent our valentines day. My friends and I just had such an incredible time in Amritsar... the people were SO nice- it really was a treat.... we were invited to tea every corner we turned and the people were just interested in sharing stories and laughing... it really was wonderful. We ate the communal lunch at the temple (they serve 1,000s of people EVERY DAY and they do it in such an efficient way.. again, i will share pictures soon... words just cannot explain).

Now to the fun stuff, GETTING TO AMRITSAR:
I live 7 real hours away from Amritsar, bu that means 12 Indian hours away from Amritsar... and so, the journey was half of the fun. I will try to summarize shortly-
The Bus: I got on the 3 hour bus and didn't have a place to sit at the beginning and so stood- not a big deal... but the entire bus is filled with men and me and my friends are the only girls on it and so when the bus is bumping around and my butt is hitting a poor man in the face it's uncomfortable... so, i finally got a seat and put my head down to fall asleep/hold myself back from throwing up and i feel this warm pad on my face... how nice... i look up and it's a man's butt in MY face... gotta love karma ;)
The train... ohhhhh Indian trains- i heard about them... i was warned about them... and to be honest, i was really really excited to have my first train experience BUT once the train arrived, 4 hours after it was supposed to, the only thing i cared about was sleeping... so.. i got onto the train and sat down. UH OH. I sat in something wet... that's gross... but there is nothing to do... i might as well fall asleep... the window wouldn't close and so water was dripping down my neck and it was cold blah blah blah (this made me forget about the one wet spot on my bum) whatever time passes and we had our beautiful weekend and then i got back to school and was ready to do my laundry and guess what's on the backside of my jeans?? Semen... lovely. If you are thinking "Elinor, how didn't you realize that?" Remember that my bum is always covered and know that i was wearing the same pair of jeans for the entire weekend.... All i can say is that my jeans are in my bucket being washed in the strongest soap i could find... gross. I would also just like to say that when things like this happen the only thing going through my head is "Sarah Shore is in Paris wearing heals and skinny jeans eating baguettes and cheese"... and then i smile and survive ;).

SPEAKING OF MY LONG LOST LOVE:
I have been scared that learning Tibetan will ruin my French and so I have been stalking the only French girl on campus, and I bought the book Siddhartha in French so that i can practice... I actually also started teaching this 13 year old boy, Ugyen, French. He is one of the most academically driven kids i have ever met and is just so thirsty for learning new things. He is always walking around with a book and asking questions and observing... very very inspiring.

TIBETAN DOCTORS:
I had a check up with a Tibetan doctor and all I can say is that I didn't believe it at all... I want to believe it and so, I am probably going to go and have a longer meeting with a doctor... The cool thing about Tibetan doctors is that they tell you what's going on by feeling your pulse.. the guy told me a few things that were obscure and he told me that my winds were off... he perscribed me medicine and then said that I probably wouldn't take them... (ha, he got that right!) but... just to give the guy credit- he called out my friend for drinking beer that week which i thought was pretty cool... Anyways, I ended up getting the medicine because i secretly think it could be cool to be on some herbal wind-fixing medicine and it got me sick... I didn't know what wind disease was until i took the medicine and i spent about 12 hours in bed with the worst cramps and i felt like there were actual winds inside of me blowing in the wrong directions... then my roommate gave me medicine blessed by His Holliness and i got better.... hah... this might all be something or it might all be bullshit... either way, it's kind of funny.

A DIFFERENT WORLD:
I met Palden Gyatso and Ama Adhe and again, words cannot even begin to express what an experience it was. I mentioned in a previous blog entry that i saw Palden Gyatso in Mcleod Ganj and i mentioned that he was a political prisoner for 33 years and was brutally tortured the entire time... I honestly don't even know what to say.... you can read his story in his book but all i want to say is that i have never met someone so loving. He does not have one bone of hatred in his body- no regret, no anger, nothing but love. Those who tortured him took his teeth, his health, and a lot of his physical strength , but they did not ruin his soul and i can only wish that i would be that strong if (knock on wood) i was ever put in a situation like that. Ama Adhe was the same- i also recommend that you read her book.

DISTANT COUSINS:
I went to Kangra Fort which is about 30 minutes away from school and it was beautiful... i went with Carrie and a few girls from my program... it was a relaxing day- we read... we took pictures.. we walked... we almost fought a monkey. I know. My friend left her bag on a bench as she took pictures and hey... a little cute monkey started walking over... so my friend ran away and i just took a step back and then i realized the monkey was going for my friend's bag... so i yelled "hey!" and i thought that I, being a big, strong, intimidating human being would scare this monkey... NO. The monkey glared at me and made this hissing noise and so i ran away too... then i realized that i looked like a fool so i ran back to go save the bag (which by the way had her phone, passport and journal in it) and this time i went back with my water bottle which i thought i could use as a weapon or a distractor or something and i stared at the monkey who, at this time was taking everything out of her bag... and the monkey made that scary face and noise and i ran away... the little bastard too everything out of the bag and threw it and then grabbed a banana which was hiding at the bottom and just walked away.. it was the funniest scariest moment of this trip thus far.

MY GAME FACE:
I noticed that when i walk around and feel overwhelmed by the presence of men i put on my game face... it is only funny because i noticed that my game face is just my face looking utterly and disgustingly nauseous... i will catch myself doing it and then just laugh but... it totally works.

All in all I really am enjoying myself. I spend most of the day thinking about the most profound concepts and listening to the craziest stories but I have been able to do all of this without losing myself... I have been having a lot of special experiences with strangers, friends, and with myself and I really wouldn't change any of this... so, when you hear my frustration arising in this blogs, especially when it comes to my thoughts on Buddhism and the philosophies and such it is because there are times when i feel like i just can't win... I will have brilliant questions forming in my head and then 30 seconds later i will be able to answer them... or I will ask intense questions and not be satisfied with the answers i get back or i will just want to share my opinion on a concept but then am brought down by the fact that Buddhism is not always about the smaller picture and there is no "self" in the first place to hold these opinions blah blah blah ;)
But, I am definitely filling these thought driven days with joking around with friends and making new friends and hanging out with my roommate and going for walks and I end the days smiling... so yeah, don't worry if I sound like i am going crazy or if I sound like i will be seeking refuge in the Dharma.... because i still secretly listen to Celine Dion and Hair on my ipod... shhhh ;)

**I have been having the most incredible experiences and meeting some of the most impressive and influential people but to protect them and their stories and... for safety reasons... i am not going to write about them on my blog but i do look forward to speaking to you about it all when i get back...**

Group.... not so much.

Weekends in Dharmasala are the best. Friday we have class and then a field trip (last Friday we went to the Tibetan Government in Exile's base and walked around the library, visited its museum, and stopped in its temple, which is the temple of HHDL's Oracle... pretty cool). Friday night we can do whatever we want... Satur-day all of the Tibetan students have class but we don't so again, we can do whatever we want.. So, last Saturday I went up to Mcleod Ganj and hung out with Carrie! I got a phone call earlier that day from her saying "I'm back from Japan... I'm in Mcleod Ganj... I'm at Nirvana cafe on the roof... meet me here." She would.

So.. I went to Mcleod Ganj and i cannot say how brilliant it was seeing her. As i said before, I am here with a group of 14 American students and 3 American leaders/teachers/counselors? I dont know... anyways, all i can say is that i really don't like traveling in a group. I LOVE the idea of this program and i am enjoying all of the courses and i am so grateful for all of the things that i have learned and seen and the experiences i get to have with the group because I know that i would not have been able to figure out Delhi or the Tibetan language, or meet HHDL on my own... BUT that said, I feel like a mere speculator when i am walking around with my buffer of Americans around me... and I also never liked the idea of being in ONE group or HAVING to find friends in a certain ring (those who know me well know that). I also never liked hierarchy in groups... so while the three teachers are brilliant and exciting, well traveled women (one lives half of the time in Kathmandu, one had a Chinese spy following her while she was living in Tibet, and one is fluent in Mandarin... so yes, the stories go on) BUT i don't like that the dynamics of the group make it so that you are lucky if you get to talk to them and that its a bit like sucking up.. I feel like everyone has great thoughts and stories to share and I am excited to hear everyones but I just don't like having to work hard for it... sorry... does that sound rude? It shouldn't and if it does then i am sorry because i did not intend for it to be so... I am just trying to say that I never liked the idea of having to jump bridges to get to know people because everyone should want to meet mid way on the bridge because they too are interested in getting to know a new person... get it?

Ok, so the 14 students in this group are really great people and i enjoy hanging out with them but I have not found anyone that "gets me". That comment is nothing against them... I have always been a bit strange ;) BUT this kind of bothered me before I saw Carrie and then when i saw Carrie i was reminded how lucky i am to have SO MANY wonderful people scattered around the world who do "get me". So, thank you Carrie. When i say "get me" I'm talking about the small moments... for instance, we were doing yoga on the roof and i just stopped and whispered to a friend "Holy shit, we are at the top of the world" and he responded with "um, no we are not we are on one of the lowest hills near the lowest mountains of the Himalayas" yeahhhhhh ok.... thanks man for popping my bubble of sheer bliss.. I'm sorry but i had to laugh because in one way that could be me looking at the glass half full and he looking at it as half empty.. OR it could be me getting one thing out of the experience and him getting another... either way he is great and very interesting but this little moment made me think of all of my amazing friends who do get me in those small moments.

Something quick about Tibetan language... SO... in English we say "I have a pen" but in Tibetan they say "To me this pen exists" which shows the subjective reality of the existence... whereas in English we speak with the understood concept of "reality"... it presupposes the existence of the pen... Whereas in Buddhism the key to ending ignorance is understanding that everyone has their own reality so there is no independent reality... I just love it that that philosophy is entwined in their speech...

I have to go read about the four noble truths and make a list of my many questions so that my brilliant philosophy teacher can answer them tomorrow... BUT i would like to leave you with a funny picture..

So.. your dear Elinor did her laundry this weekend... responsible right? clean right? yeah... i scrubbed and scrubbed and put all of my clothes on the roof and left them out for the day.... JUST so that i could come back to find them ALL covered in bird shit... lovely.

xe

I promise I will add photos or videos soon. The internet connection here is just SO slow and unreliable that I just cant be bothered.. but i will try to make a trip up to the city this week so that I can send you some visuals to go with the stories.

PS. I never finished writing about why the weekends here are so brilliant... so Saturday... fine we can do whatever we want... Sunday too we have the entire day off and this Sunday I spent it redoing my laundry, sitting on the roof tanning and reading... then i got tea with Carrie and we walked to the dried up river and sat on purple stones talking while goats walked around us... and we were just looking at the mountains and spent time "getting each other"... probably the best thing about time here is that I don't have a cell phone and I have limited internet use and i don't wear a watch... so I only know when i have to be somewhere when the bell rings and by the sunrise and sunset... so on the weekends... time just goes... and it is really really amazing.